


Deep Waters

by littlerumbird



Series: Interstellar Oceans [12]
Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Angst, F/M, Family Bonding, Family Feels, Fluff, Imzadi (Star Trek), Some hurt/comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 35,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24480814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlerumbird/pseuds/littlerumbird
Summary: Set about six years after Nemesis. Will and Deanna have settled into their roles on the Titan, but not everything is smooth sailing.
Relationships: William Riker/Deanna Troi
Series: Interstellar Oceans [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026340
Comments: 66
Kudos: 90





	1. Into the Deep

She’s cold and struggling to bring her mind to focus. It’s uncomfortable, and Deanna Troi doesn’t have a sense of where in the universe she is, nor can she seem to quite make her body cooperate enough to open her eyes, yet.

Someone is calling her name, she can hear it both outside herself and in her mind. It’s a familiar voice. And warm fingers are registering as two press to her neck and another is cupping her cheek. A thumb gently stroking at her temple.

She finally manages enough to crack her eyelids, and she’s blinking up hazily into a blur of dark and something lighter and smudges of blue that slowly starts to focus itself. But she’s still unsure for long moments where she is and how she got here.

“Hey…” Will is leaning over her, still checking her pulse, and she hears a chirp that registers as his com badge. “Riker to Dr. Marshall, she’s conscious.”

She can feel the carpet of the deck under her, and bit by bit she’s realizing that she’s in her own office. But she’s on the floor for reasons she can’t place. Deanna had barely started to push herself to sitting, when her husband’s firm hand pressed her shoulder gently to keep her in place.

“Not yet, Imzadi,” he murmurs. “Dr. Marshall’s on his way. He doesn’t want you up or moved, yet.” He settles down beside her and draws her legs over his lap, elevating them. In a firmer voice he orders the room temperature to increase four degrees.

“Will?” she asks, one hand lifting slowly, feeling leaden as she lifts it to rub at her eyes. It _is_ more comfortable laying down, and she shifts slightly. Various aches are starting to register from the odd position she has apparently been in for some time.

His hands chafe her legs lightly, and his eyes are searching her for long moments. “Lay still,” he reminds her. “Thad’s teacher called you when you weren’t there to pick him up. The computer said you were in your office, but you weren’t answering, so they called me.” One hand shifts to the curve of her hip, warm and reassuring, “Does anything hurt?”

She was quiet a long moment, increasingly aware that she’d rather be laying down on the couch. Or better yet, in their own quarters. Hopefully the doctor was coming alone. “No?”

“That sounds like a question,” he replied dryly.

“My head feels… strange. And I feel a little stiff from lying here… I remember feeling dizzy. Earlier today. Like the deck was on tilt or the gyroscope was misaligned.” She swallowed and took a slow breath, trying to figure out exactly when that was. “I thought, at first, that I simply stood up too fast, or… maybe it was because it was lunch time.” She grimaced as soon as she said the words because she could feel the flare of concern for her safety like whitecaps on a stormy ocean. “You said… school was over?”

“Your lunch should’ve been hours ago.” His eyes narrow as he listens, and she feels a tinge of guilt from him. As though he could possibly be responsible for her wellbeing every single hour of the day. Just as she’s thinking it, she senses she’s only giving him more ideas.

“It was a late lunch,” she added weakly, drawing him back to what she can recall. “I think I’ll be alright after I eat something.”

He shook his head and patted her legs and chaffed them lightly, no doubt trying to warm her up faster. “I should’ve beamed you immediately to sickbay.”

“Please don’t make me go there.” She hated the sickbay, and she knew he knew it. Knew it better than anyone. It wasn’t only the impersonal nature of it, though that was part of it. It’s also terribly draining for her to be there for long if there are any other patients. On a starship with hundreds of beings on board, there are always patients. Every emotion is heighted and raw, and when she’s there as a patient herself, the carefully developed shielding that prevents her from being overwhelmed is usually stressed at best or entirely missing at worst. And it always extends her recoveries.

Besides, after a childhood as an anomaly, she’d been subjected to more than her share of time as an object of medical curiosity. She’d handled it better with women like Beverly Crusher and even Katherine Pulaski. But her hybrid anatomy was enough to pique the curiosity of any medical professional. Whatever has happened today is clearly out of the ordinary.

Will leans in now, but he's too far away to kiss her cheek while keeping her legs inclined. So he settles for her hand, turning it carefully up and pressing a warm kiss to her palm. All of the force of his care and love and fierce protectiveness in it. And then he was settling back beside her. “I know you don’t want to go. I promise you that I will fully support taking you back to our quarters as soon as possible, once you’re medically cleared. But understand that I am fully prepared to pull rank on this, Commander Troi.”

Her lip trembled before she could stop it, but she gave a small nod. She didn’t like it. He had never threatened to pull rank on her since taking command of the Titan. But she knew that he was afraid for her health. It was easier to understand with the wave of fear rolling from him. So she relaxed a little before starting slightly because _how_ could it have taken her this long to forget their boy? “Thad—”

“Is playing with the Oliver Mayen and with Lieutenant Mayen in the arboretum.” His fingers laced with hers as he shifted into a more comfortable seat on the deck beside her. “Do you know the star date?”

With a small sigh, she thought back but couldn’t find it in her brain “I’m not sure I could’ve told you that yesterday, either.” Days blurred together with a child and so many things that had happened lately.

“Deanna—” he began, and she winced a little because he so rarely used her first name.

“I can tell you that last night I read _Goodnight Moon_ to Thad before bed.”

“It’s his favorite, and one of us reads it to him nearly every night,” came his reply, clearly not placated.

“You’re right,” she yielded. “But for supper you and Thad had the venison stew you like, and I had the Betazed salad with alderna berries and macadamia nuts.”

This seemed to calm him a bit, because while she often had the salad, the stew was a rarer treat for Will and Thad. She could feel his fingers at her wrist, seeking out her pulse again, no doubt rechecking it. “You weren’t feeling yourself this morning, either.”

Deanna shook her head slightly. “No. I was tired, even though I don’t remember waking up at all during the night… or dreaming.” She often dreamed, usually remembering portions of many of her dreams the next day. But Thad had been mounting a small insurrection these days, insisting his friends were allowed to stay up until twenty hundred hours. Baths were a touch-and-go battle these days, too. They alternated who had which responsibility lately, and last night bed time was hers ending with a stern line drawn at two books. Thad had to be sent back to bed three more times after lights out.

Any further conversation was ending now with Dr. Marshall, thankfully arriving alone. “Commander, it’s good see you conscious.” He moved in on the other side of her, setting down his medical equipment. “If I may?”

“Don’t wait on my account,” was Will’s clipped answer, and Deanna could feel his worry spiking again. It's rising like the water on a rocky shore, and she winces a little.

This time she was the one giving his fingers a light squeeze, which distracted him for perhaps a few seconds from his dual concerns both as husband and captain. She did her best to breathe normally and find any possible way to try to enjoy the last few moments before the scans would inevitably be followed by a long series of questions. She had taken enough courses in neurology to know it wasn’t good that she was drained and had passed out. And beside her, she could feel Will growing more impatient for answers with each moment of silence.

"It’s no wonder you passed out,” Dr. Marshall sighed. “Your blood pressure is low, along with your blood sugar. At least—”

“By humanoid standards,” Deanna sighed. _So it begins._

 _Easy, Imzadi,_ the words were in her mind, but the tone warm. But she also realizes there is the sudden silence of medical professionals when they were absorbing information. And a hesitation was stretching out.

“Doctor?” she queried, uncertainty bubbling up.

“Commander, you’re expecting.”

Beside her, she could feel the words registering with Will, his joy and hopefulness starting to unfold, but the hand that wasn’t enclosed in his was reaching for his arm now. She had sensed both in his tone and in the demeanor that this wasn’t all. “But?”

“It’s very early. Barely four weeks, if that. Your hCG levels are lower than they should be, and your white blood cells are triggering an immune response.”

Will’s head lifted, and he was already alert. She could practically feel the gears in motion as he scrambled to search for a plan for this. If she were the ship, he would be calling for at least Yellow Alert. “What does that mean?”

“My body isn’t sure how to respond,” she answered, the pieces coming together for her before Dr. Marshall had started to form a reply. “And there’s at least a chance that I could lose our baby.” Deanna felt stunned because this hadn’t occurred to her. Four weeks. Which was early enough that she really would not have noticed any changes.

It had been difficult to conceive Thad. There had been many options, but they had agreed it would either happen on its own or it wasn’t meant to be. With Will’s role as captain, using more serious medical interventions had risks. She had felt reluctant to pursue the options available to her, knowing the side effects could impact her job in diplomatic relations. Will had confided that he didn’t want her to push herself through any of it unless she was insistent. Thad was a miracle in and of himself. They had thought for some time that a second child would be a nice addition, and neither of them had resumed birth control after Thad. But they were both getting older. Eventually, she’d assumed that Thad would simply be an only child. And that was more than enough for them.

The doctor nodded, and motioned toward the chaise longue chair that her patients generally preferred. “It’s alright to move her now, but take it slowly all the same.”

Will eased her feet off his lap and slid an arm under her shoulders, supporting her until she was sitting. That movement alone had her feeling off again. It was strange because while she had felt unbalanced with Thad, it wasn’t until about week ten or so. And it had more to do with balance than this. “Deanna?” her husband murmured, and she realized she had disassociated for at least a moment.

“A little slower,” she requested as he guided her to her feet just long enough to move the last half meter to the furniture. She shifted and chose to lean against him instead. Wishing they could have some time to absorb this new information before they needed to do whatever was coming next. It was tiring to move, even this little bit, and she felt off-kilter again. For a moment Deanna closed her eyes, but they immediately flew open again when the feeling had only intensified.

“What… what can we do?” Will asked, and she could sense the urgency in him. To go do something, to give some command, to at least find some options.

His arm slid around her waist, hand resting on the outside of her thigh. It was familiar, how they often settled as a family for Thad’s bedtime stories. And for another long moment she missed the bulk of what was being discussed as she considered what it might be like to have another little Troi-Riker to share those bedtime stories with, and the uncertainty in this initial scan hit her.

Her head swam for a moment with the intensity, and she felt the wave of concern spike in Will and, to a lesser degree, from the doctor. They were urging her to lean forward, head between her legs, and she felt Will rubbing warm, broad circles across her back. “Could I have some water, please?” she finally requested.

“In a moment,” Dr. Marshall assured. He was pressing a hypospray to her neck, and she let herself relax a little more at the rush of infusion. “This should help a bit—some hydration, balance out your blood sugar, and a few more supplements. We really do need some answers that I simply can’t get from a tricorder.”

This, this was the part she wasn’t looking forward to. While the hypospray was helping clear her head a bit, Deanna didn’t want to pass out in the middle of the corridor. And the thought of beaming anywhere right now made her feel a little queasy besides. It was chicken-or-the-egg because she wanted to lay down, but they wouldn’t have any better answers until they had some tests.

Beside her, she can still sense Will is upended and trying very hard to reign in this emotions. His hand is still rubbing over her back, slower than before and finally settling on the small of her back. _Imzadi?_

 _I want to sleep so badly,_ she mumbled, leaning deeper into Will and slowly pushing herself up. Her forearms rested on her thighs, and Deanna took a deep breath. The doctor finds her replicator and is there with the water. She takes several steady sips before handing the cup back and rubbing her temple.

“Commander, I’m sorry, but we really do need to get you to a bio-bed.”

It has to be hard, she realizes, to deliver bad news not only to the captain of the ship but about the captain’s family and their health. She nods slightly, finding that everything feels steadier. “Ah… are we walking?” The thought makes her swallow.

“C’mere,” Will murmurs, and before she has time to worry about it, he is sliding arms under her shoulders and knees and cradling her close to his chest. _Please,_ he asks gently, _let me do this part. Shifts changed an hour ago. Most of the crew is in their own quarters. I know you hate this, but please let me do this for you._

And she can’t bring it in her to argue, so she rests her head against his heart and nods. It’s a little easier like this, letting him make the decision. It reminds her that he is very good at his job because he can make the hard decisions. Her office isn’t terribly far from the turbolift, and during the short journey she can feel her body responding in more subtle ways to the supplements. She doesn’t feel like it has to work as hard, and she’s in the sort of lull that makes her wish for a warm blanket and their bed for a long nap.

 _You can sleep in the bio-bed,_ Will reminds her. _I’ll ask the Mayens to keep Thad tonight._ Part of her wants their family together, but she knows she needs the rest, so she doesn’t fight this, either. There’s no guarantee she will even be in their quarters later tonight, either.

If any crew are about in the corridor near sickbay, she was too tired to notice. Her eyes are closed, and her face is turned toward Will, breathing in his familiar scent and letting it comfort her. Deanna doesn’t feel woozy any more, but tiredness is rising and starting to win her over. Somewhere in a blessedly private and quiet corner of sickbay, they are pulling her for a few moments back to them. She finds the answers, enough to convince them that it’s truly is exhaustion more than anything else. Will’s concern is there, but it’s more a rising swell than the tsunami when she first came to on her office floor. And it’s easier to half curl on her side under a warm blanket and let them make her as comfortable as they can. She's drifting to sleep as the first scans begins.


	2. The Wake

As awareness draws her this time, it’s like floating on the Black Sea at night. Deanna can sense that it’s warm and comfortable. She smells Will around her and on their sheets. The familiar weight of his arm across her registered, even if it’s a little higher above her waist that usual. The events of earlier, or maybe yesterday, are surfacing. Her office. His concerned face. Turbolift. Fragments of sickbay.

It’s tempting to drift back down again, but she’s just on this side of uncomfortable in her uniform. She doesn’t remember being moved back to their quarters, but at some point Will has removed her regulation boots and com badge and unzipped her uniform a bit to allow her to move without waking while she slept. She was sure that she would’ve slept hard even with it zipped.

The ship has the deep calm of zero-hundred something. It’s blissfully quiet, most of the crew in deep sleep or REM. The few people at work are diligent, but there’s a drowsy resonance to this shift. Maintaining courses. Following routine checklists. Routine maintenance. No doubt the ship is busy cleaning its corridors and meeting rooms that will be used during the later hours.

She really doesn’t want to wake Will, but he sleeps lighter these days with the weight of a ship’s welfare on his shoulders. And so it’s not surprising that he’s floating up to consciousness, too, faster than she can. “Go back to sleep,” she murmured softly.

It does no good because he pushed himself to sit and already called for the lights to thirty percent, bathing them in something that resembles pre-dawn on Betazed. “Hey,” he smiled down, but she can see the smile is tight and tinged with echoes of concern. “How do you feel?”

“Like I’m _overly_ hydrated,” she answered succinctly. Because even if she would much, much rather linger in here with Will, her body is insisting on the facilities. Deanna hesitated the moment her feet touched the carpet, a little gun-shy when she remembered that the next to last time she stood up, she woke up on the floor hours later.

It’s intuitive, the way he was already rolling out of bed and cupping his hand under her elbow. For several long moments they both were very still. “Imzadi?” he asked, and she felt the uncertainty rising in him.

“I’m okay,” she answered. _I think_. She might as well have said it aloud because he knows it anyway. As she straightened, things felt sturdy and on an even keel. So she went with that and moved forward at a slower but steady pace.

When she finished, a glance in the mirror revealed Will leaning against the door. He crossed to her, arms pulling her close but with less intensity than she felt he wanted to use. It’s her favorite place, in his arms, in these quiet moments between them. “Did… Dr. Marshall have any answers?”

A firm kiss pressed into her thick hair. “He spent an hour running tests, but he wanted some time to research. Your vitals improved, so he released you back here to sleep and rest.” She could sense his hesitation, the reluctance he always has when he has to tell her something he knows she won’t want to hear. “Lieutenant Tsung will have to handle the diplomatic responsibilities for now.”

“Will…” she trailed off, unsure if she wanted to hear the rest of it, but she was all too aware that ignorance wouldn’t make everything okay. “What about…” Deanna stepped back a half pace and glanced down, her stomach churning heavily with concern.

He sighed, forehead resting against hers. His hand slid to the nape of her neck, rubbing at the knot of tension he knew was there before he even felt it with his hand. “hCG levels are still low. Your white cells count dropped a little. That was the biggest reason for so many tests. He wants you on bedrest until there are some answers. As minimal stress as possible. And he would like you to increase your caloric intake.”

A rueful smile crossed her lips, and she scoffed. “He pestered me about my _caloric intake_ all forty _one_ weeks with Thad, and our son was a very healthy weight for both a human and a Betazoid baby.” And it was true. Thad had weighed in at almost three and a half kilos and had been overdue.

“I’m taking credit for that,” Will murmured, pulling her closer and helping her shed her uniform. “I was nearly four kilos when I was born.”

“I thought that I was to be resting,” Deanna murmured as he shucked the slacks he wore to sleep in and began to run a bath. “And I don’t want to think about a _four kilo_ baby. That’s the opposite of restful,” she protested, tipping her head back to offer up a small smile. More than once she has wished Will had known his mother, and she definitely wished she could have talked about that pregnancy with Elizabeth Riker. “Not too hot,” she warned as she was watched him fiddle with the settings.

He adjusted the water temperature slightly and cupped her elbow to guide her into the deep tub. “She would’ve loved you.”

There was an underlying ache in his words, one that eased only a bit as he settled carefully behind her and urged her back against his chest. It’s another connection they share, this loss of a parent they both barely knew. Sometimes she feels it’s worse for him because at age seven, she at least carried a few memories of her father. His memories of his mother are vague, more like imprinted feelings.

She knows he can sense her thoughts, especially when they’re in these lulls together. It occurred to her that they haven’t had this much uninterrupted time together in weeks. Not since the night Thad last stayed over with Oliver…

Will’s hands have returned to her shoulders, trying to draw out tension as the warmth of the water continues to ease the stress of the day before. And his hands paused when she landed on the thought. Because it was right at three weeks and a half since they last had a full evening alone and plenty of time to enjoy themselves. “That was a _very_ good night.” He leaned down, pressing a warm kiss to her collarbone.

“Yes, and it seems we have a souvenir,” she murmured, leaning into the embrace. He’s hitting a spot that he knew all too well turns her into a melted mess. “Will…” she tried to find it in her to protest. Because he’s starting things in motion that are going to be hard to shut down when they’re together like this, when she’s only all too aware of his own interest.

He eased back slowly, hand finding hers and giving a light squeeze. “Sorry,” came his impudent reply, dropping a kiss in her hair in apology. “I guess that’s my fault for marrying someone so irresistible.”

“Yes, unless you’re implying it’s my fault for marrying someone so charming,” Deanna countered. She gave a small huff of frustration, relishing the sensations even as they started to fade. “I wish we had known… I would’ve savored last week a little more.” Intimate moments were hard to catch some weeks between his duties on board and an active nearly five year old.

“We can ask Dr. Marshall what’s off limits –”

“Imzadi!” she flushed at the thought.

“He has a medical degree. Hell, he delivered Thad. I think he has some idea of how babies are made,” Will murmured, helping her shift into a more comfortable position to rest against him. “If it’s not safe, then we’ll manage.”

“Just because he knows how babies are made that doesn’t meant I want him to know the particulars of how this one was made.” Her mother’s culture might be free with love and the body, but she’d always preferred some privacy with the details therein. As a child, she’d always felt at a disadvantage when others could read her thoughts so easily when her hybrid mix meant she struggled with specific thoughts. Emotions were clear, but she’d never advanced in telepathy past her mother and, later, Will. It had surprised her—delighted her—that she had been able to connect with Will in this way. That she would actually be able to have an Imzadi bond, and with a human at that. But when it came to details of her personal life, as an adult she cherished the opportunity to keep some things private.

Deanna’s eyes closed, and she was unable to resist a yawn working its way out. “If I’m as tired as I was last time, we’d probably need to take a break anyway.” So far, it was the only part the felt familiar, though the drain on her energy was hitting far sooner and much more intensely this time.

“We’ll figure this out,” came the answer to her unspoken concerns.

“I love you, but you can’t possibly know that.”

“How about _I’m with you through this_?”

She nodded, still another yawn building.

“If you need nap, I’ve got you,” he assured.

“Not sleepy, but I am very _relaxed_.”

He gave a soft chuckle at that, clearly seeing that she was growing more _relaxed_ by the moment. “I, ah, wasn’t sure if we would… if Thad would ever be a big brother.” His voice was rough with his own turbulent feelings. It had become its own proverbial elephant in the room over the last years.

“I know,” she whispered, throat tight with emotions. “And eventually we need a plan because you can’t soak in the bath with me for nine more months.”

“Of course not, the water would get cold.”

“Will,” her eyes cracked open, and she shifted to look up at him. “I love that you try to be so optimistic. But we need to talk about this. We don’t know what we’re facing, and you have responsibilities on this ship.”

His hand found her hip and slid over the lower part of her belly, resting warmly as it had so many times when she carried Thad. “I know, and I know you’re scared and unsure. I’m not really sure, either. And you’re right—we need a plan. But for a few more hours, I want to be with you. I want to savor this and be hopeful. Because we’ve dreamed about a family for so long, and adding another member to this family is incredible.

“You’re right to say I have responsibilities,” he continued. “But I also have an excellent First Officer and senior staff, who will all be at their posts in a few hours. I have plenty of leave I can take. And know this, Imzadi, if it comes down to it, I choose you and our family over my job. Without hesitation.”

It was one of her favorite things about him, his unceasing optimism.

“You also like my smile,” he murmured.

“And your eyes,” she added, finding his hand and lacing her fingers through his. “You’re good for me.” And he is because this is grounding her, calming her. And reminding her that it’s okay to enjoy this moment, this interlude. No matter what the outcome, having this time together and these moments to savor a new part of their family was precious. “But Will, you can’t mean that you’d give up your commission. You’ve worked so hard—your whole life—for this.”

“I worked for what I wanted. What was important to me. Nothing is more important to me now than our family. You and Thad and this new baby. We’ve done so many things. I’ve accomplished what I wanted as a young man—for over six years now I’ve had the honor of being Captain. And I’ll continue to do that as long as Starfleet allows me. But I would step away from all of this in an instant.” He pressed a kiss to her temple.

She took a shuddering breath as the depth of his words sounded. “I think… I think we shouldn’t make any plans right now. You’re right. We should wait until later. When we know more.”

“And I should get you back in bed.” He lifted the sponge and began to gently wash her shoulders and back.

She couldn’t help but smile a little at his words but she chose to let him continue until he had washed whatever he could reach. It took her a few more moments to finish up, and then she asked for help with her hair. She hated the lingering feelings of being in sickbay, even if she was asleep for most of her time there. It was something she couldn’t quite place, but clung even after a long night’s sleep.

“Close your eyes for a moment,” he murmured. And then he was lifting a warm, sudsy washcloth to her forehead and rubbing gently in the center and at her temples. It was followed by a few more gentle wipes before he told her he was finished.

Deanna rubbed her face and blinked and twisted a little to look at him in confusion.

“It was a little of the residue from the sensors. That’s what was bothering you. And the ionization scent that sticks with you for a while.” He stood carefully and took a moment to dry off. “Stop ogling the goods, Commander,” he teased.

“Well, you keep advertising things that aren’t for sale,” she countered with an endearing smile and open admiration of the planes of his body. He might be more solid than when they first met, but he worked hard to keep it muscle, to stay in the best shape possible. “If I can’t take anything home, at least I should get the pleasure of window shopping.”

He grinned, and then offered her a hand to exit the slippery tub. “My lady?” Once her feet were on the floor, he was there with her robe. “What sounds good for breakfast?”

“Please don’t be offended, but nothing with eggs.” She blanched a little at the words, enough that Will took her upper arm.

“You’re pale. We should’ve finished sooner.”

She sighed for the umpteenth time. “I feel the littlest bit light-headed,” she admitted, suddenly aware of how muggy the room felt. “Will, no I can walk,” she protested as he started to move to lift her. “I would rather walk, honestly. Especially if I have to lay down all day.”

“Think of it as a vacation. You said you wanted to sleep for a week back when we went through that plasma storm last month,” he tried to joke as he escorted her to their bed and helped her settled on her left side. It took a little re-arranging of the pillows to make sure she was as comfortable as she could be.

Accepting a bowl of fruits and yogurt, she began tucking into her breakfast, even though it was still early. She might as well get used to extra snacks since she was now remembering the instructions to increase her food intake. “There’s a difference between sleep deprivation from pitching in to handle emergency trauma response and a little boy having nightmares and crawling into our bed for almost two weeks solid versus prescribed rest. I’ll do what it takes for this baby, but bedrest sounds daunting, especially when I’m barely a month into pregnancy. It’s _nine_ more months. Did he say if I can sit up at all?”

He twitched the blanket over her legs that her robe left bare. “I didn’t ask about sitting… I can call over to clarify later. And one day at a time, Imzadi.” Will finished toweling off before he pulled on a comfortable set of casual clothes. “Tonight we’ll have Thaddy back. Maybe we can wear him out with some holo games.”

“Mmmhmm,” she agreed, taking another bite of breakfast. “I don’t want to tell him just yet,” she added. “Not until we know a little more. I’d… rather we keep it between us and the doctor for now.” She swallowed another bite of her meal, watching him closely as he fiddled with a PADD. “You haven’t… told anyone have you?”

He gave a small shake of his head. “No, not yet. But he _is_ your son. He’s already sensed something is up.” Thad didn’t seem to have inherited her fuller gifts of empathy, but he was intuitive. And already more observant than they sometimes wished he was.

She shifted to look more directly at him. “What do you mean?”

“Lieutenant Mayen reached out last night around bedtime. Thad was worried. By then, we were already back here, and I’d settled you. So I went over to their quarters and assured him you were okay and that we would see him after his classes today. He wanted me to come to his class today, but it's always a big deal and disrupts the day, so I promised him we would plan something with his teacher another day...” Will’s gaze dropped as he toyed with his spoon. “I didn’t want to leave you here alone, but they said he was upset…”

Deanna pushed herself up slightly, one hand cupping his cheek as she leaned in for a warm kiss, letting it linger. “William Riker, I think you are an amazing father, and our children and I are very lucky to have you.”

The tears welling up in his eyes surprised her, and she reached up to catch the first with her thumb. But his feelings were moving something deep inside her, too. And her own cheek was wet as the first of her tears spilled out. It was hormones and an emotional release. A quieter, more clinical part of her brain registered that they both probably needed it. There would be time, later, to reassure their son. To make a plan. For now, they would ride out the wake and wait together.


	3. All Hands on Deck

“You said mommy was gonna be here,” came the protest from the lounge. It made Deanna smile a little at her son’s indignant tone.

“Back here, sweetheart,” she called, shifting into a slightly more comfortable position and smiling when Will strode into their room with Thad flung over his shoulder. Both were still clad in matching gis. “It’s alright to come in.” It felt strange to miss her son when they had only been apart not much more than a day. The counselor in her was already taking in every piece of body language as he squirmed to get down.

Will bent down and lowered their son until his feet touched the carpet. But just as the boy started to launch himself onto the bed, he caught Thad under his arms and lifted him lightly. “Gentle with mom, remember?” he asked, loudly enough so that she could hear, too.

Deanna enfolded him in a hug, the surge of emotions welling up as Thad curled into her. She knew it was heightened by hormones, but the intensity of the moment still caught her off guard. “I missed you, sweet boy,” she murmured into his dark, thick hair that was so much like Will’s. She felt the brush of Will’s thoughts against hers, and the gentle squeeze he gave her shoulder.

Before Thad had lifted his head, she had already composed herself and brushed away her tears. He settled beside her with his legs crossed, one hand resting on her leg as if to reassure himself that she really was there. “How come you had to go to sickbay?”

She reached out and brushed a thatch of hair from his eyes, smiling a little as she recognized her own gesture as an echo of his. Her need to feel him with her. It was a question she had been anticipating and considering while Will and Thad were on the holodeck. “Because I wasn’t feeling well. That’s why I wasn’t able to pick you up from class, and I’m very sorry. I was sick, and daddy helped me, but we needed to go to sickbay.”

“Did you throw up?” The last time Thad had ended up in sickbay was over a bacteria that Thad and a few other of the crew picked up on recreational shore leave. An antibiotic and few infusions had done the trick, but it hadn’t been a pleasant visit for any of them.

Deanna patted his hand, swallowing a little at the thought. So far she hadn’t experienced much nausea, but the dizziness made her feel uneasy. “Thankfully, no. Dr. Marshall did a wonderful job helping me. But I still need to rest. So we’re going to make the best of it with supper in a little bit, and then some games before a story and bedtime.”

“Remember, we talked about how mom needs to lay down right now? All hands on deck?” Will asked as he started gathering clean clothes and moving toward their sonic shower in the adjacent room to clean up. He gave his wife a meaningful look, eyebrows raising slightly. “And we need to be gentle with mom and help her when we can.”

She nodded, reassuring him that she could certainly manage for the next few minutes while he used the sonic shower. There was residual stress hanging on all of them, and Deanna was too skilled to think it would go away any time soon. “How was aikido today?” she shifted the conversation to what she hoped was more positive memories.

“It was really good. Daddy said I’m getting faster, and I made him fall down!” His delight and pride was contagious, and it made Deanna smile and relax by a few more degrees. Over the last months it had occurred to them that it was time for Thad to start learning some new skills. While his imagination was vivid, his teachers had suggested that a physical activity could be a good outlet.

It had been a tricky path to navigate. She’s used the forms Worf taught her for some time now, and the first poses were easy to teach Thad. Twice a week they had begun to practice, and Will had joined when his schedule allowed. It wasn’t surprising to her that Will had hesitated for a long time to add anything else, that he had found his own reasons to evade anything more intense.

_When she woke alone in their bed, Deanna knew stress was still eating at him. He had been called down to engineering in the middle of supper, but returned in time to spend a good hour with them before Thad’s bedtime. She’d assumed that he would shake it off and come to bed eventually. So she had settled in with some leisure reading on her PADD and drifted to sleep._

_Their room had the chill of late hours, when their quarters were programmed to be at the coolest because Will always slept better in a colder room. She found her robe and slippers on auto-pilot and sought out the lounge._

_“Are you sending me to bed, too?” he tried to make light of it as he set aside his own PADD and patted the empty sofa cushion beside him._

_“Our bed was lonely,” was her indulgent reproof, ignoring the offered seat and taking his lap instead. Fingers feathered through his hair before urging him down for a long kiss. “I know you can still push yourself for a few days without sleep, but there’s no reason to do that right now.”_

_He shrugged and slid an arm around her before taking in another long kiss. The tension in him was about to tip into desire. They were both tired, but there was something exciting about still sharing this open attraction between them. Deanna was aware it invigorated him, and they both felt flattered by it._

_“You’re procrastinating,” she murmured against his lips. And she regretted it a moment later when she felt him huff and irritation spark. Shifting slightly, her fingers slid to the familiar spot at the nape of his neck, toying with locks that were starting to edge on needing another trim. “Imzadi, I’m sorry you married an empath, but it’s impossible not to see it.”_

_Will let his head fall back against the cushion, staring blankly at the ceiling for long moments. “I’m not arguing that he needs more physical activity. I agree that it could help make him more willing to go to bed on time if he’s worn out at the end of the day.”_

_“What’s holding you back, though?” She knew some of it. And she knew that he knew what it was. But she was also experienced enough as a counselor to know he needed to admit it himself._

_“Deanna…”_

_“It’s bothering you so much you’re struggling to sleep anyway,” she murmured, reaching up to his shoulders and starting to knead into the muscles. Her touch had been light, but he still flinched, and she winced in sympathy. “Will, I’m worried about you. As your wife”_

“Mom,” came the protest from her son, clearly exasperated and aware that he had lost her attention. Her son was pouting up at her. “I said that daddy let me watch him spar with the holodeck guy. And he said that someday he’ll teach me how do all of it, too, ‘cept right now I have to learn the beginning stuff before I can do that. And grow bigger muscles.”

“Daddy _is_ very strong,” she agreed, biting back a smile. It had been clear for some time that Will was Thad’s hero. It reminded her very much of her own childhood, and how much she had adored her father. It was one of her most cherished dreams that her own child have a father as caring as her own had been.

Thad leaned in now, and urged her close. When she leaned forward, he cupped one hand and whispered too loudly in her ear. “But the holo threw him on the ground four times.”

“That was supposed to be _our_ secret,” Will mock scolded, returning to the room, still toweling off his hair. “And yes, I was thrown _five_ times.” He settled on the edge of the bed. “Each time I practice with the holodeck, it learns more about me. And the program becomes more challenging.”

Their son looked up, dark eyes filled with confusion. “How come you don’t make it easier? You could change the program.”

“But then I wouldn’t get better at aikido,” he answered. “It’s how we learn.” A smile crossed his face when Deanna took his hand and gave it a soft squeeze. “Now did you ask mom what she wants to eat for dinner?”

He looked sheepish. “Not yet…”

“Well, it’s time for a feast, and we’ve worked up an appetite. So what will it be tonight?”

“Grilled salmon with some root vegetables, like we had when we visited the Denali,” she answered, giving an impish smile at his surprise. “It sounds good,” was her innocent reply.

 _Cravings already, Imzadi? I’m glad we have a good replicator._ “Mr. Troi-Riker, do you wish to take your station?” Will asked in his best Captain voice as he stood.

“Aye, sir,” Thad answered, hopping to the deck, chest puffed out in pride.

“Then proceed,” Will replied, giving his wife a wink before falling in line behind their son.

They were nearly at the end of their memory game when Thad spoke up. “I know what else would make mommy better.”

“Hmmm?” Deanna queried, taking her turn and matching two starships. She was feeling better now that she had a meal in her. More than once, Will had snuck extra roasted carrots onto her plate when Thad was busy telling a story about his day at school. If this trend held, she estimated she would be filling out her uniforms and needing to replicate new ones in a week or less.

“A hot fudge sundae,” came the hopeful suggestion.

“I think you might have ulterior motives,” Will murmured, the comment flying over the four-year-old’s head.

Dark brown eyes went wide with pleading. “Please?”

“How about we share a small one?” she suggested as she turned over a card with a phaser and a second with a com badge on it. “ _After_ your bath.”

Their boy slumped in his seat. “I didn’t get very sweaty today.” It was a stalling tactic, one that he was becoming increasingly adept at using. It was his turn next, but he was clearly delaying that, too.

“You can take a bath or you can use the sonic shower,” Will laid out the options, determined to back up his wife’s decision.

“I’m not sweaty anymore.” He was testing the limits now, and Deanna almost felt sorry for him sometimes because she could so easily sense his emotions. She was all too aware that this had nothing to do with being sweaty and everything to do with the fact that he simply didn’t want to do it. And that had more to do with wanting to delay his bed time. But Thad couldn’t help the yawn that escaped. And he failed to understand that she and Will didn’t care if he stalled taking his turn until nineteen thirty hours because they were still sending him to bed then.

Will stretched his legs along the length of the bed. They had opted to eat in there, calling it a special picnic in deference to Deanna. Normally they rarely allowed Thad in their room at all. Deanna had insisted it was good to establish boundaries, but it was clear they were going to have to rearrange those rules in a clear way for their son. “Thaddy, you have two choices: bath or sonic shower. If you don’t choose, then I’ll run a bath for you.”

His bottom lip pouted. “But I don’t want to.”

“We’ve talked about obeying. A bath helps your body stay clean and healthy, and you always feel better after,” Deanna tried. “We sometimes have to do things we don’t want to do. It’s part of life.”

“When I get big, I’m gonna be my own boss and not take showers or baths,” he proclaimed.

“But you’ll still need sleep,” Will added gently. “You will get to make your own choices as you grow up. But being your parents isn’t about being your boss.”

“But you are my boss,” he grumbled. “Like you’re the boss on our ship. I told Oliver how you’re in charge of _everything_.”

“I’m the Captain,” Will conceded. “But it’s not about being the boss or being in charge.” He paused for a moment, looking to Deanna.

She offered an encouraging nod and reached out to rub Thad’s back. “Being an officer, even a captain, means making decisions for everyone. As a commander, I can give orders. But I also get orders from higher officers.”

“Does daddy give you orders?”

Deanna chuckled. “Sometimes, yes. Because he has plans that help the ship run and do everything it’s supposed to do. Some of the orders keep us safe. Other orders are because there are important jobs that need to be done. But it’s not about being the boss.”

“Being a leader isn’t only about being in charge,” Will added. “It’s about taking care of the people in your charge. When I’m on the bridge—that means my officers and everyone else on this ship. Which includes you and mom. And you are in our charge, that means we take care of you and help you grow up. Which means baths or showers, too.”

She could tell it was a lot for Thad to take in, and not all of it had registered. But she gave Will a gentle mental nudge, sending him her reassurance. “Whenever we get orders, we get to make a choice. We can obey or disobey. Being part of a crew and the ship means that we choose to obey because we know it’s for good.” _Most of the time._ Now wasn’t the time to go into ethical quandaries.

“I can use the sonic shower?”

He offered his hand as the boy started to climb down from the bed and move toward their facilities. “Yes,” Will answered. “I’ll help you set it so it’s not too hot.”

“And I get a hot fudge sundae after?” he asked over his shoulder, pausing at the door.

Deanna smiled because he was definitely her son when it came to his love for ice cream and chocolate. “Yes, it will be waiting for you.”

“Don’t eat too much of it,” Thad laid out his terms.

“There will be plenty left for you,” she promised, gathering up the cards to set them on the bedside table as Will steered their son toward the sonic shower. _Thank goodness for sundaes for now,_ Deanna sent to her husband.

 _Bribery isn’t my favorite tactic, either,_ he sighed. _I guess we’ll have to keep getting creative with explanations._

She yawned as she heard the sonic shower starting. _Good thing that non-traditional strategies have always been your strong suit._ There was wry amusement from Will, and she let herself curl into the pillow and drift for a bit and wonder if their second child would half so wily at negotiations.


	4. Low Tide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for your kind comments and for those of you who continue to read this. It's so fun to explore this universe, and a bit daunting to jump into a realm that is so vast and extensively built. It's been a difficult spring and summer for me, personally, and this outlet has remained a very good way to distract myself. I'm so thankful that my muse has, thus far, stuck with me. This will probably be quite a bit longer, yet. While I have a number of things to juggle, I'm planning to continue updates to it with some regularity. So enjoy.

She can still vividly remember what it felt like in the moment before someone told her that her father was dead. Deanna had been seven years old, coming onto the back terrace of the infamous Fifth House. And as she mounted the last step and turned, she saw her mother looking like a discarded doll. Lwaxana Troi was never at a loss for words until that moment when she stared at nothing, mouth gaping. And Deanna’s chest had felt tight, like the feeling when she dove for a toy that was too deep in the water. Like she was now pushing and kicking toward the surface with every moment feeling like her chest was crushing in on itself. The water dark below, dimmer around her, and one sparkle of light glinting off the surface too far above.

It was Will’s wide palm giving a squeeze above her knee that pulled her back to the moment, enough pressure to bring her from her memories. Back to the two men in their lounge with her. She was aware of the soft friction of the mesh-like white Starfleet issue pajamas against her knee—she’d changed after waking this morning but opted for comfort over appearance. Under her, she felt the cushions of their lounge and smelled the gentle scent of chamomile tea she had chosen when Will got everyone drinks for their meeting.

Deanna swallowed and addressed their guest. “Dr. Marshall… I’m sure it can’t be easy to deliver uncertain news to a ship’s captain. About his wife and child, no less,” she finally plunged in after several long moments when the doctor and her husband had attempted to dance around the niceties while she could feel Will’s need for answers and her own building like the warp core speeding toward overload. “You’ve become aware of my abilities over the years, and I can sense your uncertainty. I can assure you that we’ll all feel the slightest bit better for having named whatever it is you need to say.”

The words tumbled out much faster than she ever spoke in counseling sessions, but Deanna had already given herself permission to not be fully in control. To not speak in a measured way. To not have to be the calm in the room today. That could be sorted later. She reached out, her hand resting on Will’s, quickly enveloped in both of his.

Across from them, seated in one of the chairs was their doctor who was holding, but not drinking, a cup of Bajoran tea. “Most of your vitals and levels are slowly improving, which is good news. At the moment, the fetus is continuing to show incremental grow, and its readings remain steady.” He hesitated a moment before continuing. “Implantation is solid, and in one of the stronger areas.”

“Stronger?” Will queried in confusion.

The doctor nodded and took a sip of his tea. “Medical advances over the last hundred or so years have continued to improve. We can heal broken bones quickly. Deliver all sorts of vitamins and nutrients far better than before… But the body still has its limits. Commander Troi’s Betazed heritage has many advantages. I understand your mother was able to bear a child many years past what a human would be able to support.”

“Yes,” Deanna agreed, and she shifted a little, lacing her fingers through Will’s and giving a small squeeze. “And I think you’re talking about trauma informed response, specifically in response to post-traumatic stress disorder.” Beside her, she could sense that Will had a small raft of reference but was eddying for meaning. “We’ve both had far more than our share of traumatic experiences. It’s fundamentally changed us, down to the cellular level.”

Will was shaking his head slightly, hand pulling from hers to gesture in futility. “But the point was that the advances restore our bodies. Bring things back together.” Will pushed to his feet and began to walk toward one of the large windows, staring into the middle distance of space. “You’re telling me we can knit bones together, but it still changes us that deeply? I can understand that it rearranges some things. It’s not… the same. But it _restores_.”

“Restores, yes. Yet, it’s not as if it hadn’t happened,” the doctor agreed gently. “Cells are shifted. The body reacts and responds. Medicine is far better than it used to be. And far less stress on the body than when beings had to endure weeks, months, or even years of recovery… “

Deanna toyed with her cup, shifting slightly to glance toward her husband who was now leaning against the viewport frame. “The saying is ‘the body keeps score.’ We recover from our injuries. We mitigate the effects, and we recover psychologically. But… consider how many times we’ve both been subjected to radiation at high levels, much less our physical injuries and psychological damage…”

She had looked over their medical records before. Will’s records were far longer than her own, and his were by far more serious. He had sustained the most physical injuries, and it was in times like this that she gave thanks to all of the deities that he was no longer the First Officer. Her own injuries ran the gamut, but she’d received the bigger share of psychological injuries. She hadn’t looked at her own records since right before their wedding, when she’d coordinated with Beverly to gather the information they would want to be sure to transfer with them to the Titan. It was like low tide, everything exposed and laid bare. Things dragged out of place, echoes left behind on the shore of their histories.

After the Romulans—after Shinzon—she hadn’t wanted to look at the records. There were so many weeks and months afterwards when she was merely trying to cope and move on with their lives. To grieve Data. To start off on the right foot with their new crew. Trying to establish the trust and rapport with the crew to do her job and do it well. Adjusting to life as a captain’s wife and the new role that posed.

And they both had struggled with their share of the aftermath of it all. She’d expected the nightmares. But she hadn’t been prepared for how angry she felt later—when she had slowed down enough to process it—about the position she’d been put in. Told she was not going to be given the time and space she’d so desperately needed to attempt to cope. And she hadn’t anticipated how angry and upset Will would be later about the toll it had taken on her. Angry he hadn’t been there to intervene as First Officer to protect her. His wife. His crew.

He was as hurt as she was when he found her multiple times in the sonic shower at three am, when she was shaking with the fear of another nightmare and attempting to ground herself with hot water and thinking he would either sleep through her emotional release or the water would drown it out. It was one of the few times she had truly underestimated their bond.

_“Imzadi?” His voice was like a warm blanket, and she couldn’t answer because she wasn’t entirely sure how she had enough air to breathe. But the next sob bubbled out before she could fathom a reply. She was in the back corner, forehead pressed against steamy tiles, arms wrapped around herself in a futile attempt to keep herself together._

_His fingers brushed her elbow, and it was his way of asking permission. She could feel how badly he wanted to pull her close, but they both remembered too vividly that night in their bed. And she couldn’t stop another sob. The one thing she could do was to nod and to turn toward him, going willingly into his arms, face pressed against the soaked blue pajamas that normally brought out his eyes. Breathing in steam and his scent and pulling his arms harder around her in an effort to center her to this moment and the safety of him._

_It was always better when his hand cupped the back of her head, arm banding tightly around her. Letting her feel his solid strength. Her head rested on his chest, and she felt the kisses he was pressing into her hair as his own grief joined hers. He’d felt so responsible, and it hurt her that he held onto so much guilt when he had been dealing with their other nightmare. The possibility that they finally worked out a relationship only to realize it might be the end._

“Deanna?” Will was back beside her on the couch, and he reached out to touch her shoulder. His thumb stroked its familiar line across her collarbone—that spot that was so often followed by a line of kisses or even nips. But in the moment it caused her to take a deep breath.

She gave a tight smile, swallowing back the memories. Now wasn’t the time to dwell on such things, and she knew it meant something that it was happening more frequently the last few days. “Sometimes I really do wonder if this isn’t an alternate reality. It doesn’t seem possible we made it through… everything that we have.”

His answer was a gentle squeeze to her shoulder before his hand slid around her. “I’m not going to pretend this makes sense to me, but I’ve seen enough damn weird things and enough science that I couldn’t understand but couldn’t deny. I’m taking your word that there’s some underlying sense to what you’re saying… but where does this leave us? You said _most_ of her vital signs were improving?”

It was a pragmatic frankness borne from years of truly bizarre adventures. Will was past the point of trying to fathom the depths. And, in a way, it made sense to her. He had enough to focus on with his job and leading their family. Understanding might come later. For now, attempting to argue around it was a waste of time and precious energy. She didn’t even try to fight a yawn.

The doctor remained unfazed by the response and set down the now empty cup he had been working on. “Yes, Commander, your immune response is still heightened. Your body is unsure whether to accept the fetus or … not. And adrenaline is still higher than I’d like, indicating stress on the body as a whole.”

It was, truly, maddening not to be able to will her own body into compliance. And she was acutely aware of every single time she had told someone to relax. Yes, she had always been very aware it wasn’t so easy. That neither the body nor the mind could unwind on demand. But Deanna had become adept at cultivating her own calm. She had coping techniques and self-care routines. And currently, everything but consumption of chocolate was off limits. “So what are the recommendations?”

“First,” he cleared his throat and glanced between them, “I’m not afraid to admit that some outside ideas could be helpful. I’d like to reach out to your previous doctors with your permission.”

“Both Beverly and Kate would certainly take a detailed look,” Deanna mused as she settled a little more into her seat, shifting into a more comfortable position beside her husband. “I’d like to call them first. To… share the news and ask them to take a look.”

“Of course,” Dr. Marshall demurred. “I’m glad to send along whichever records you’d like to share.”

She gave a short nod. “All of it. They’re both like family. There really are no secrets. They’ve both seen everything.” Medicine, she mused, was a bit like counseling—it worked much better with honesty and more insight.

“What do we do in the meantime?” Will now asked, resting his forearms on his thighs and leaning forward. “Other than generally resting when she was tired or the few weeks of nausea, we’re new to the bedrest plan.”

“Yes, exactly _what_ do you mean by rest?” she pressed.

“Laying down, preferably on your left side. I’d like to start with two weeks,” he winced a little seeing their failed attempts to hide their disappointment. “The other doctors may have more insight, but given the heightened immune and stress response, I’m hopeful that two weeks of bedrest will convince your system to return to calm. You can sit up for meals and brief trips to the, ah, facilities. You can move between the bed and lounge, so long as you aren’t feeling dizzy again. I’d like you to keep a daily log for now of any symptoms as you experience them—dizzy episodes, nausea, confusion or anything else new or different.”

Will shifted beside her. “What about baths and meals?”

“A brief sonic shower would be best for now with warm but not hot water,” Dr. Marshall responded. “You should re-install into the replicator the list from your last pregnancy of restricted foods, but otherwise no additional food or drink restrictions.”

“Can I at least read reports and continue diplomatic correspondence?” she asked, trying to fight down the exasperation in her voice. “Surely that small outlet is tame enough?”

This earned her a small sympathetic smile. “Commander, for now some of the light correspondence is fine. I can appreciate wanting to keep yourself at least a little bit occupied. But the more stressful parts should be handed off to someone else at present. Certainly anything related to the Romulans should be set aside. I’d like to run weekly panels for now as well, in order to have a baseline to gauge. I will be glad to come by your quarters if you’d rather.”

Her mouth twisted into a wry smile that gave away her frustration. “If you keep me on bedrest long enough, I might actually _want_ to visit sickbay for a change of scenery.”

“ _That_ will be the day,” Will murmured, taking in turn the gentle elbow she nudged at his ribs. Whatever other response he’d planned was interrupted by a flash of lights signaling yellow alert and a chirp to his communicator.

“Apologies, Captain. We’re at yellow alert and could use you on the bridge,” came his steady First Officer.

Will grimaced and stood, stretching and offering her an apologetic look. “This is the captain, I’m on my way.” He opened his mouth and turned, but she was already waving him on.

“I’ll be fine here. Go,” she urged, even as she already sensed the broad uneasiness erupting around the ship.

He ducked down and dropped a kiss to her cheek, an apology as clear as the guilt rolling off of him. “I’ll be back as soon as I can,” he called over his shoulder.

 _You don’t have to apologize to me for doing your job, Imzadi,_ she sent him as he slipped from their quarters. Deanna stretched out in the space left, trying to take some comfort in the warm spot he’d vacated. She turned to the doctor with raised eyebrows. “You mentioned reducing stress?”

“Such is the life on a starship,” the doctor murmured.

She gave him a wry, knowing smile. There were certain things one took in stride on a starship. She’d long ago accepted that her life might be over at any given moment. Having a child— _children_ she mentally corrected—had certainly made her think about the risks more than once. She knew it weighed on Will’s mind as well. While he had never taken lightly his responsibilities for all beings on board, his awareness of his responsibility to keep everyone safe was different now that he was a parent.

“Commander Troi, would you care for some company for the moment, or would you rather have some time to yourself?” It was a perceptive, and it made her warm to him yet again, because he did have a good bedside manner.

She nodded toward the replicator. “I think I would like the company, thank you. And I should probably have a snack. A few moments ago I would have been inclined to take a nap, but perhaps it’s best if you wait a bit longer with me. And, as I've said before, you can certainly call me Deanna.” His formality never failed to amuse her. But, on the more serious side, it was always within the realm of possibility that she might need to move to shelter further within the ship if they moved up to red alert. As ship's counselor, she was accustomed to being on the bridge during these times or overseeing guiding more vulnerable groups to shelter. This was definitely a position she hadn’t experienced before, and she mused that her inclination to be alone probably wasn’t the most helpful one at the moment.

It took a few moments for him to find her list of favorites, and within a few moments he was handing over a bowl a plate of sliced thalassian pears drizzled with honey and small nuts from Betazed for her and a snack of his own. She murmured her thanks. “So,” she began, “I never asked you before, what led you to join Starfleet?”


	5. Ships in the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The more episodes I see and Star Trek movies I watch, the more impossibly soft I become over these two. I hope I never, ever, ever get over Will Riker & Deanna Troi.

It never ceased to amaze Will that, despite being only two decks from captain’s quarters to the bridge, it always seemed to take forever to get there. He knew it was a distortion. And he was very aware that it was much closer than the distance from his First Officer’s quarters to the bridge on the Enterprise. Titan was roughly a third the size of the Enterprise. And yet, the corridors always seemed longest in an emergency.

 _Slow yourself down. Walk with purpose. You’re going to scare people,_ he reminded himself as he slowed to a brisk stride and nodded at crew as he finally gained the lift to the bridge. He had barely stopped long enough to try to apologize to Deanna, but he certainly hadn’t wasted time changing out of his casual wear. It could all wait until later, and he kept a uniform in his ready room just in case.

As the turbolift neared the top deck, the whole ship shook with some sort of impact. He hoped Deanna was either on the sofa or had moved to their bed and that Thad was sitting down. Bracing himself against the side of the lift, he took a slow breath as a second tremor vibrated through the ship. For a long moment, he couldn’t help but remember when Enterprise’s lift had broken from its clamps. When the door whooshed open, Will had never been happier to step out.

The bridge itself was actually calming. His officers were alert and pouring over their stations, but the alert was still set to yellow. “Report,” he ordered, eyes already going to the extremely bright main screen as he made his way toward his chair that Vale was already vacating.

“We came out of warp at a safe distance from the star, but, as you can see, solar flares are ejecting coronal mass,” Vale reported, her eyes trained on the screen. “Shields are holding but are down to seventy percent. We’ve pulled back to put distance between the ship and the star, but we’re also receiving distress calls from Moltar IV in this quadrant.”

Will nodded and took his seat, leaning on the left arm rest. “Ensign Patu, lay a course to take us on the far side of Moltar IV. It will shield us from this, and we’re no good to anyone on that planet if the ship’s down.” There was barely time for the ensign to acknowledge before he continued, “Injuries reported?”

“Minimal injuries,” came the response. “Bumps and bruises, two possible fractures or sprains, and three burns, the worst of which appears to be second degree.”

It was a good time to remember that even if Deanna happened to be up when either impact hit, she was with the doctor when he left. And right now, he had a ship and a whole crew who needed his full attention. They continued the run-down of major departments, and it made Will proud to know his crew and his ship seemed to be, on the whole, in solid shape. They were putting more distance between themselves and the star with each passing moment. “What, exactly, did they say in the distress call?”

“Moltar IV is a less populated M Class planet,” Vale replied, taking her seat on his right. “There are approximately seven thousand humanoids, and the solar flares started approximately eight hours ago but have accelerated in intensity and output in the last two hours. It’s led to widespread fires, including in their largest community itself. Several hundred lives have been lost to fires already.”

“Ensign, increase speed, the quickest route possible to Moltar IV,” Will ordered. “Lieutenant Crusher, contact Starfleet and send out a call for any other ships in near proximity. We need to prioritize which areas are in most immediate danger and evacuate those regions first. We also need to start evaluating whether the solar activity is likely to increase, in which case we will need somewhere to relocate the whole population. Or if the planet is going to return to a place that can be inhabited, we need a timeline and run down of resources to see if that’s possible.”

It was something that the Enterprise probably could’ve handled. Most starships could handle roughly ten times the crew outfit in capacity. The Titan would max out at approximately six thousand beings. Even that could only be sustained so long. It would be very tight. Settling people was exactly the type of work that his wife excelled at, but he would have to lean on the other two counselors at this point.

It was late, and he was exhausted when he finally made his way back to his quarters. But he still smiled as he entered and recognized what his wife had done for him. Their entry was at two thirds lighting, fading into under half in the lounge, and finally one quarter in their room. He’d managed to check in with Deanna twice during the day, both times when she reassured him she was fine and would reach out if she needed help. He’d worried anyway, especially as the school hours ended and he knew she was caring for their son while attempting to rest.

The Moltarians in more imminent dangers had been evacuated and were getting settled in any available space on board the Titan. In a few more hours, the Enterprise would be joining them and working alongside Titan’s crew to finish evaluating needs and making a final decision on evacuations. At the moment, they remained on the leeward side of the planet, still well sheltered from the increased solar flares.

At the door to their room, Will paused, leaning against the frame and soaking in the moment. Deanna was snoring softly, resting on her side, one arm curled under her pillow and the other on Thad’s chest. They were turned around, facing the star port and no doubt enjoying the new constellations and the distant asteroid belt floating out past Moltar VII. In the middle of the bed was Thad, sprawled out like a starfish and drooling on Will’s pillow.

Moving slowly, Will managed to change into his own night clothes and eased back his own blanket and crawled in beside his son. He was proud that he had managed to make it this far without waking his wife, and her steady snores assured him that he was in the clear. She had snored through Thad’s pregnancy as well and ardently rejected the possibility that she did so. He knew it was something that Dr. Marshall could’ve quickly cured. But he thought it was cute, and he usually slept through it anyway.

Beside him, Thad mumbled something about tribbles and rolled onto his side. Tribbles were not a new obsession for their boy. For the last two months, their boy had been begging for one. The thought of even one tribble aboard made Will shudder with the implications. Thad would have to be satisfied with a stuffed toy replica that they had found on Starbase 43. He and Deanna had both agreed that the fish in the tank in the lounge were the furthest they were willing to go in terms of pets.

Sometimes Will wondered what it would be like to raise their son in one place. To have a house and pets. He liked to imagine on Earth, having land and a house with a deck and a large kitchen. Some might think it soft of him to think about what it might be like to make food—real food—each day for his family and the utter domesticity of growing their own food. He imagined Deanna would like that. But he couldn’t imagine her enjoying Alaska. His Imzadi was used to warmer climates and less intense conditions.

His eyes closed, and he let himself sink into the softness of the bed and creature comforts of blankets and pillows. It occurred to him that moments like this were rare. Simply existing with his family. A family that was about to change in any number of ways in the coming months. Will had always enjoyed women, and certainly his wife. He’d had a glimpse, years ago in a reality-altering distortion, of what fatherhood could be like. That he might be good at it.

It wasn’t something he’d given much thought to until he and Deanna were talking about marriage. It hadn’t occurred to him that it would be hard to start a family until it was. And there were so many uncertainties right now. Including the near end to all of them earlier today.

A foot jabbed into his kidney, and Will grunted in pain. He reached back, finding the small foot and holding it before it could do any more damage. Twisting, around he could see two big, sleepy eyes blinking up at him.

“Daddy?” came the groggy question.

“Ssssh, mom’s sleeping,” Will murmured. He shifted, sitting up against some pillows and pulling his son against his chest. “And you should be asleep, too.”

“I’m not sleepy,” Thad protested with a yawn, words slurring a bit with tiredness.

Will chuckled softly and patted his son’s back. “I know you’re not,” he murmured. “Did you and mom have a good dinner?”

“Mhmm… She let me have choc’late milk for dinner.” Thad shared his mother’s affinity for chocolate, though he didn’t care for the bitterness of dark chocolate. Sometimes Will swore their boy would eat even Gagh if it was covered in chocolate syrup or fudge. Quiet settled in again, and he was sure the boy was finally asleep when a soft question floated up in the darkness. “Daddy… what was it like in ‘laska? Did it make you sad that the stars stayed the same?”

His gaze floated upward to the port they all faced, their bed tonight a messy nest that he thought could be rather romantic if he and Deanna were alone. Alaska… He took a deep breath and finally replied, “Alaska has beautiful stars, but they’re not the same all the time. Remember, when we see a planet we can see it moving. Revolving.”

“Mhmm,” came a drowsy agreement.

“And it tilts and orbits other things. Earth orbits its sun. So the stars shift throughout the year, but the stars always come back around again. It’s very different than here because the nights last so long in the winter when the earth tilts away from the sun, and the days are very long in the summer when it faces the sun. But the best part about the stars in Alaska is the Aurora Borealis.” He smiled merely at the thought of it.

Beside him, Thad cuddled closer and gave the small sigh he always did when his body was finally starting to relax and cave to sleep. “What’s the ‘rora bore… boralis?”

His smile spreading into a grin, Will slid his arm firmer around his son and began to pat his back gently like he had when he was a baby. He’d spent so many hours walking the corridors late at night when it seemed that Thad preferred motion to being still. Plenty of time in his ready room in the later hours when Deanna needed sleep more than he did, bouncing and walking his son until he gave into to sleep and could be returned to his crib.

“The Aurora Borealis is a beautiful sight that you can see at night sometimes in Alaska. There are ribbons of color in the sky, mostly green and pink but sometimes blues and purples and yellows. It’s magical, but it’s actually because of gases colliding with protons and electrons. I’ve never seen it anywhere else. Next time we’re on earth, we’ll have to go up to Alaska and see if we get lucky enough to watch it,” he could tell that Thad was asleep now, and so Will simply relaxed into his own pillows and luxuriated in this quiet moment with his family gathered close and safe. It had truly been a long day and was turning into a long week.

It lasted until a small fist in his face woke him again what felt like minutes but may have been a few hours later. It was hard to tell time in space, and he didn’t want to exert the effort of asking the computer. Beside him, Deanna’s snores had tapered off, and she had lost her blanket to their son, who was somehow and even bigger blanket hog than she was.

For tonight sleep was too important, so Will rolled to his feet and managed to free up the blanket and drape it back over Deanna. He scooped up their son and as he walked to the second bedroom in their quarters, he pressed a warm kiss into the dark hair. It took only a few moment to gently ease Thad into his own bed. Gathering the blanket, he draped it over his son, tucking it in and nudging the stuffed tribble under Thad’s arm. “Dream big,” he murmured and made his way back to his room and dropped back into sleep.


	6. Sounding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being substantially longer than I expected. I have a number of things coming up in the next two weeks, so the chapter after this will take a bit longer. Enjoy.

Deanna Troi knew she was officially bored when she was at the point she was seriously considering messaging her mother. Her mother, who would immediately make her way to the Titan and unceremoniously spill the proverbial beans to the entire crew. Maybe _unceremoniously_ was a bit unfair. Because Lwaxana Troi excelled at ceremony. With a sigh, Deanna stretched carefully, wincing when her knee joint gave a pop in protest of spending too long in one position.

“You weren’t supposed to upend our world for a while, little one,” she murmured, caressing the oh-so-slight curve of her belly that, in all honesty, had never gone away after Thad. It was mid-day, and she really should be eating lunch. She _was_ getting hungry. “Computer, I’d like a bowl of Pulaski’s chicken soup.” It was a safe bet, and a program that she had made sure to have sent over from the Enterprise.

So far, she’d managed to follow doctor’s orders for a full four days. And during the first two, she’d slept more than she had thought possible. Clearly, she had been running on fumes for too long. Will had been busy with the Enterprise crew and the Titan’s crew in evacuating Moltar IV. Under other circumstances, she would be busy herself—assuring displaced people, crisis counseling, locating various supplies and distributing them, helping children who’d wandered too far to find their way back to parents again. Her Betazoid abilities meant she often knew what people wanted or needed before they could articulate it. She truly loved her job.

And, in moments like this, she reminded herself that she would be able to return to her job again. Her mother had pushed her for years to settle down and to start a family. She might not have settled down, exactly, but she did find joy in raising Thad. It had surprised her to find this week that she wished her mother was nearby. But she also wasn’t prepared for the energy her mother brought, the perpetual motion that was Lwaxana Troi. So that would wait a bit.

Carefully, she stood, making sure she had her balance. Her journal of symptoms she kept on her PADD was short, but it had expanded. Light-headedness seemed to be the most persistent. She’d given Will a scare again last night when she was gathering up their dirty dishes to place in the re-processor, only to drop a dish and grasp at the edge of the table in an effort to stay upright. They’d had a short argument about whether or not to call Dr. Marshall immediately.

Her right hand brushed over the nearby chair as she made her way to the replicator and collected her lunch. While she normally sat further down the table, for now she was taking precautions and using the nearest seat as she tackled the soup. She was near over halfway through when the door chime alerted her to a visitor.

Pulling her robe a little closer around her and glad she’d taken a little time to pull her hair up into a pony tail this morning, she called “Come!” Unfortunately, her seat at the table did not give her a good view of the door.

The long pause was finally rewarded with Dr. Beverly Crusher, her eyes already darting about in search of her friend. “Deanna!” she exclaimed, moving forward and already reaching in her lab coat pocket for her tricorder. “Don’t tell me you’re sick!”

A smile spread, and she shook her head slightly. “Honestly, you’re such a mother hen,” she teased. “I don’t even get a hello or a hug before you’re pulling that out.”

“It’s mid-day, in the middle of a humanitarian crisis, and you’re in your robe eating…”

Deanna felt her lip trembling, and she used to be _so good_ at holding off the emotions. People might see the emotions welling up, but she’d always held them off. Few people outside of Will ever saw her break, but she couldn’t stop the tears that were falling far too easily the last days.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… Deanna, what’s _wrong_?” Her friend was already taking the seat beside her and wrapped her hand around Deanna’s forearm in a gentle squeeze. Her fingers brushed Deanna’s pulse practically by habit.

With her free hand, the counselor tried valiantly to stem the tears using her shirt sleeve. “It’s not your fault,” she sniffed, swallowing hard and freeing up both hands to try to deal with the tears. “It’s… Beverly, I’m pregnant,” she managed, “And, um… there are some complications.” She still couldn’t really bring herself to voice what was wrong, mostly because they didn’t really know. And the unknown had loomed for days now. “I wanted to tell you over a secured channel,” she tried to explain, gesturing helplessly as a fresh round of tears spilled out.

“No, it’s okay,” Beverly was still trying to reassure her. “Come on, now, deep breaths,” she urged, coaching her through to calm like she had plenty of times before. Her hand was on Deanna’s back now, rubbing reassuringly in slow circles. “You know I’ll do what I can.”

Deanna nodded and swallowed again, accepting the cup of water that she had been working on before the doctor arrived and taking a long drink. “It’s been a busy week, between this and Moltar IV, and caring for Thad.”

“Does he know, yet?”

She shook her head. “Will and I wanted to wait until… well, until we know more. You, Dr. Marshall, Will, and Dr. Pulaski are the only ones that know. I was able to talk to Kate the other day… I wanted to tell you first,” she was quick to add, “But Kate was free to talk the other day, and you’ve been working double shifts. And Vale, she knows.” It had been necessary to fill in the First Officer, both to understand Deanna’s absence from duty rosters and also in the event Will needed to hand over command at any point. Christine had been surprised, concerned, and compassionate. Not that Deanna had expected otherwise.

Beverly shook her head slightly. “You’ve had plenty of other things to deal with.”

“Dr. Marshall said he would send you all the tests he’s run so far,” Deanna added. “I could probably have him send it over now---”

She shook her head and gave one Deanna’s shoulder a light squeeze. “There’s time for that later.”

“Gods, I’m a mess,” she sniffled. “Last night Thad told me he loved me while we were tucking him in to bed, and I started crying, too.”

Beverly patted her back before finding a tissue and handing it over. “It’s the hormones, and they make us a mess. When I was pregnant with Wesley, I was in the middle of researching Tarellian plague. I was running a simulation and my PADD shorted out, and I started crying right in there in the research lab.”

It made Deanna smile, as it was meant to, and she finally managed to get the tears under control. “I don’t remember being this emotional with Thad, but Will might disagree on that.” She wiped away the last of the moisture on her cheek and returned to the cup of water, finishing it as she knew Beverly was watching her closely to be sure she did. “I didn’t think it would hit me like this… I’ve cared for and counseled so many children during my work as a counselor. Even when Thad was born, well, it’s never hit me like this…”

Beverly offered a compassionate smile. “It’s different when it’s your _own_ child. You remember when Wesley was in the accident at Starfleet Academy. And you saw the calm version. I’ve never felt so helpless.”

Deanna offered a wry smile. She knew it was true. Overall, things had been calm with Thad. But the first time he had run a fever, she’d ignored every bit of common sense that kids got colds and ran fevers some times. And she’d taken him to sickbay and hated having to put him through even the walk and exam before he could get relief. Or when he had tried to climb on a precarious branch on the holodeck and ended his adventure with a three inch cut that had been fairly easily been mended but painful until then. “You’re right,” she sighed, finally relaxing fully into her chair.

“Why don’t you ask Dr. Marshall to send your records to your PADD, and I’ll catch up on your file while you finish your lunch,” the doctor suggested. She crossed to the replicator and ordered a cup of tea for herself. “I’m going to have some lunch of my own…” She glanced over her shoulder at Deanna. “I’m guessing smells are starting to bother you?”

Deanna’s nose wrinkled and she swallowed another mouthful. “Some. Eggs are the worst. And, ah, a few other things I’d rather not think about. I was actually nauseated this morning,” she nudged her PADD forward, bringing up her log she had been sending daily to sickbay.

The redhead skimmed the last few entries and nodded. “Salad, then,” came her decisive answer, skimming the options already in the replicator and choosing one before taking her previous seat while Deanna called up sickbay and asked for the records.

“Beverly?” she queried, pausing a moment as she stirred her soup idly. “Thank you,” Deanna said softly. “For everything.”

A small shake of her head, and the doctor was opening the first of the scans. “You know me, I love a good medical mystery, even if I wish you and Will and the others would get in yourself into fewer of them.”

“Please don’t deflect this one,” Deanna pressed, eyebrows lifting in sincerity. “Thank you.”

Will was thankful for their friends as the next days passed. In all honesty, he couldn’t imagine being in Deanna’s place. He’d had plenty of injuries that led to medical leave—the longest was after he nearly died from a virus about two years into his time on the Enterprise. It had taken weeks to fully recover, and he’d gone through several disagreements with Pulaski over his fitness to resume his duties. But the rest of this particular week had enough variety to keep his wife sufficiently occupied to, well not quite _enjoy_ , but to endure and benefit from a week of rest.

Picard himself had dropped in for supper one evening, and Beverly visited several times. After getting rest she would never admit she needed, Will was also thankful that between the three doctors they had agreed that she could be treated with vertazine safely. It had drastically reduced her light-headed episodes and vertigo. And they were both able to relax a bit more, now that she was far less likely to pass out.

“Did he stay asleep?” Deanna asked as Will joined her again in their lounge. They had a meeting with all of the doctors tonight, and Thad had fallen asleep thanks to a combination of a cup of warm milk and a long story. It had probably helped that he and Will spent almost two hours in the gym earlier in the evening.

Will nodded and settled onto the sofa beside her, arm wrapping around her and pulling her close to drop a kiss into her hair. “Out like a light. Do you want anything before the meeting?”

“A magical wand, please,” she requested, trying for humor.

“It’s okay to be scared, Imzadi,” he murmured, feeling her relax by degrees. Her ear pressed against his chest, listening to his heart.

Her hand found his and gave it a hard squeeze. “Have I ever told you how safe you make me feel, Will Riker?”

“You show me that all the time,” he assured. His arm settled around her, hand moving to her neck to massage gently. Fingers pressed, and he worked carefully around the spot that was usually the tenderest, keeping his touch light. “And it’s okay to take a nap first,” he whispered conspiratorially.

Even if he couldn’t see her face, he could feel her smile. Feel the warmth from her. “’m not sleepy,” Deanna responded, sounding very much like their son about this time of night. He could tell she wanted him to rise to the bait, at least enough for her to feel justified in a retort. “Fine,” she huffed, “but I don’t see how it’s possible to be tired when I slept so much this week!”

His other hand slid low on her belly, thumb brushing with enough pressure that it wouldn’t tickle. “Your body is working hard to make a humanoid,” Will answered. “You’re at, what, five or six weeks? That’s when you started to feel so tired with Thad… and then you were tired the last month, too.” He’d found her asleep so many times at the end—once in her office at the end of a long afternoon, and once even in their bathtub.

A soft puff of air against his chest was her sigh. “You’re right,” she relented. “And I was probably prickly about this time with Thad, too.”

“Only once in a blue moon.”

She leaned back and gave him a quizzical look.

“Old Terran saying,” he explained, hand sliding to her lower back and letting the heel of his palm press firmly against the small of her back. She hadn’t fully relaxed, yet, and he could tell by the way she continued to shift that it was bothering her as well. “It’s a rare event, when there are two full moons in the same calendar month… Happens about every three years, give or take.”

A smile tugged at her lips. “I’m sure I’m only prickly every three years.”

“Give or take,” he teased, chuckling when her eyes narrowed slightly before widening with her smile. His hand moved to the left, pressing in again and Will sensed her reaction a split second before she whimpered and reflexively pulled from his touch. “I didn’t think it would be so tender,” he was already apologizing. “I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t think it was that tender, either,” she murmured before settling against him again and pulling his arm around her this time. “If it’s all the same, maybe I’ll try some heat on it later. And I owe you a long back rub.”

He pressed a kiss to cheek in penance. “You’re not supposed to be exerting yourself,” he reminded. “As much as I do love your back rubs.” Nobody gave backrubs quite like Deanna, though he was sure he was very biased. His favorite was the sandalwood oil she used and how her empathic senses meant she knew exactly where to knead and how firmly to press.

“You also like what back rubs lead to,” she murmured knowingly.

He pressed a kiss into her hair. “You’re not supposed to be exerting yourself,” Will repeated, earning himself a playful light swat to his thigh. “I miss you that way, too, Imzadi.”

She grew very still for a long moment before letting out a shuddery breath. He was already handing over a tissue, which he had stocked in the lounge several days ago. “Me too,” she murmured, sniffling and graciously accepting the tissue. “And,” she added distinctly, “I’m hungry.”

Pushing himself to his feet, he gave a bow that was only shortened by the twinge in his own back. He knew she was very aware it was bothering him, but it was nothing a hot sonic shower couldn’t help with. “Hot fudge sundae or a bowl of replicator-fresh oskoids?”

Her head shook slightly and nose wrinkled at the last word. “Parthas tonight, I think.”

His eyebrows lifted, but he didn’t comment further. Instead, he turned on his heel and was busy with the replicator. They _had_ eaten an early supper tonight, and had been nearly three and a half hours ago. And considering that she was sick to her stomach twice this week, both times after the food was prepared and they were about to begin, he wasn’t going to argue at all if she felt like eating. On a whim, he added juice to the order and a drink for himself and brought it back to the sofa to enjoy.

Will wanted to grasp this moment and hoard it, and on some level he could tell that Deanna picked up on this. She stayed closed while they had this late snack, and he was grateful that for once in weeks Thad stayed in his own bed and asleep. Dr. Marshall joined them a few minutes before the conference, taking his usual seat. It struck Will that the doctor had now spent enough time in their quarters to have a ‘usual seat.’

Once the meeting started in earnest, his arm slid around Deanna, the fingers of his right hand threading through hers. He wasn’t sure which one was holding onto which. And then he caught his straying attention and refocused as Deanna was answering the pleasant inquiries into how she was doing. All of the doctors had read the logs she had been keeping and seen the results of the updated tests run yesterday morning.

“I’m sorry, you’re all wonderful doctors, and we appreciate all of your time, but—” He could feel the mix of amusement and chiding from his wife, but Will also knew she was as on-edge as he was, but she was better at concealing it than he could ever be. Which was why she was the chief counselor and diplomatic officer.

“But you want answers,” Pulaski finished succinctly with a wry smile. “Dr. Crusher?”

“All the cards on the table hmm?” Beverly mused from her own office on Enterprise. “There are still some pieces we don’t have,” she forewarned, “Dr. Pulaski, Dr. Marshall, and I are still collaborating on theories. Our prominent theory is that it’s possible there is an enzyme or other biochemical incompatibility between Deanna’s DNA and the baby’s.”

Will shook his head slightly. “I need a universal translator,” he protested.

“If I may?” Dr. Marshall interjected with a sympathetic smile. “Several centuries ago, doctors discovered that some human females carried protein in their blood and others didn’t. When a woman who lacked the enzyme became pregnant with a child who did carry the enzyme from its father, it compromised the pregnancy. It’s possible that some other similar factor could be causing the elevated immune response in Commander Troi.”

The other doctors nodded in agreement before Beverly continued, “That’s our best theory at the moment. Currently we are exploring the genome mapping and combing through huaman and Betazoid physiology and Betazoid prenatal research. There are also cases in interspecies Betazoid hybrid pregnancies that, at least at our initial research stage, seem to have had similar issues.”

Beside him, he felt Deanna shift slightly, and even without their link he could’ve sensed how much the newest update frustrated her. Beverly knew it, too, as the person Deanna had been closest to on the Enterprise, other than him. His thumb rubbed the side of her hand in an attempt to offer comfort.

He loved her completely, including the gifts her mother’s species had endowed her. Over the last decade, she had come into her own by fully embracing her empathic gifts. Finally seeing them as an asset, rather than always feeling compared to a greater populace with a range she’d never been able to match. It had taken her so long to see it as an asset, rather than a deficit. She had thrived, both as a counselor and an officer, and Will had counted himself privileged to have a front row seat.

And now he could feel her recoil and chafe at it again. The implication that she might have caused it, when it had simply been a hand dealt by genetics and maybe something like fate.

“We did eliminate several hundred other possible issues,” Dr. Pulaski added. “It seems painstaking, but each round of tests _are_ showing improvement. We are keeping ourselves open to the possibility another answer might turn up, but for now the genome from samples you both provided are giving us things to further explore.”

Deanna nodded and swallowed hard, her free arm draping protectively around her middle in a gesture Will was sure that no one missed. “What is the likelihood… is there a chance that…”

The tightly contained emotions were cresting beyond her control, and Will gave her hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it so she could brush away the tears escaping again. _You don’t have to temper your emotions here,_ he sent in her direction. The question she was trying to voice was the one they both had tiptoed around for a week now but still hadn’t discussed between themselves.

“We can’t quantify it,” Pulaski answered, rescuing Deanna from having to complete the question. She offered a stiff but sympathetic smile. “But we do feel it’s probable that you can carry this baby to term.”

Deanna took a shaky breath. “ _Probable_?” she rasped.

Dr. Marshall leaned forward in his chair. “As Dr. Pulaski said, we can’t quantify this. But we are managing it. The vertazine infusions are clearly helping, so we will continue those. It seems like every three days is working. We’ve agreed it’s best to keep those infusions running for the next weeks. Barring no further complications, at week ten we will slowly ease off of it and see how that goes.”

“As for the nausea,” Beverly added, “I’m sending over a recipe to add to the replicator for ginger tea and some ginger drops. It’s an ancient Terran home remedy. You can use the drops throughout the day. Will, you should make sure she has at least some of the tea each morning before she gets up.”

A ghost of a smile flitted across Deanna’s lips. “Let me guess,” she murmured, “Captain Picard’s Aunt Adele.”

The doctors shared their own small smile, as Pulaski confirmed, “The one and the same.”

Will gave a short nod at this. “Anything that helps,” he agreed.” He truly hated when Deanna was sick or injured. It undid him in a way that few things could, and he knew she could always sense how much it threw him. He hated knowing that his turmoil only made her feel worse.

She gave a tight smile to him, Deanna’s hand coming to rest above his knee. Her warmth and gratitude wrapped around him before she straightened and steeled herself to query, “What about bed rest?”

The three doctors exchanged a look between one another before Beverly took the lead, “We aren’t exactly in agreement on all of this. But none of us think it’s a good idea to be on the bridge for now,” clearly all three doctors knew it was the easiest of the duties to give up at the moment. “I think it’s safe enough to return to a half work load. Still resting in the evenings, _nothing_ more strenuous than a stroll in the arboretum or on the Black Sea shore on the holodeck.”

“I think you should take at least another week to rest,” Pulaski spoke up after Crusher had finished speaking. “As much progress as you’ve made in a week, I think a second or even third week could make a big difference. But I can concede Dr. Crusher’s point that some normalcy might promote more emotional and overall well-being that could further improve the physiological response.”

Will glanced to their only in-person guest, “Dr. Marshall?”

“I would recommend a partial workload,” he answered slowly, “Easing into it over the next week or two. Regardless, managing your overall stress levels will be key, along with managing your meals throughout the day. The doctors and I have arranged on-going conferences between us. We’ll continue to share our research and insights, and we think it’s good to conference in two weeks from tonight.”

There wasn’t much else to say at that point, and it was past the time that Deanna had been falling asleep lately. They set the time and date for their next meeting, and Will saw Dr. Marshall out while Deanna bid goodbye first to Pulaski and lingered a few moments more to speak with Beverly.

“Mind if I cut in?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood as he crossed back over to the sofa. “It’s late,” he reminded Beverly pointedly.

She raised her hands in surrender. “I’ll be in touch,” Beverly reminded, “Get some rest— _both_ of you,” she added with a pointed look at Will.

“Thank you and good night,” Deanna answered with a small smile as Will ended the connection and offered a hand. She let him guide her to her feet and pull her into a gentle hug.

His hand slid to her cheek, cupping it and tilting her face up as he bent to drop a tender kiss to her lips. Her hand wrapped around his, holding it as she then turned and press a kiss into the palm. As he turned them toward their room, her head rested against his shoulder.


	7. North Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is possibly one of the fluffier things I've written. I struggled a bit with this one, mostly with how to wrap it up. Everything I wanted to express into this chapter. I'm realizing that so much of this is small moments, time caught between sleep cycles. But also I think that's rather reflective of life for many of my friends and their families when they have such small children. It's exhausting and blissful and messy and imperfect. I'd also hoped to update with a new chapter much sooner. But I moved, and this week is always the busiest of the year for my job. Hopefully as the next weeks settle slightly and I settle in to a new place, I will have more mental and emotional space to write. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, and a huge thank you to all of you lovely souls who have left such kind comments.

“Oh!” the pure awe in her son’s voice as the lights dimmed in Stellar Cartography convinced Deanna Troi that she had made the right decision to insist on not missing this field trip. They were seated on the floor, most of the children sitting knee to knee—or the nearest approximation of that if one considered the varying ways the species sat—in a semi-circle. She gave a little more of her weight to the bulkhead behind her and squeezed Thad affectionately as his head tipped back and rested against her shoulder.

Thad was attempting to search everything at once, his eyes round as they stared up at the ceiling. Pure wonder rolled off of him in waves. It was almost euphoric to bask in his joy in this room. It wasn’t the first time he had been here, not by far. Will had taken their son all over the ship as an infant, and during the shifts of the small hours, this and Seven Forward were the darkest places to walk a drowsy-but-not-sleeping baby. And yes, Thad was forever gasping at a new star or constellation and asking for name after name. Normally either she or Will had to stay close to make sure he didn’t bump into bulkhead or console, but today with a whole gaggle of children in the nursery school they had to settle for sitting. She strongly suspected that his teacher had requested a lesser known star system solely so Thad wouldn’t spend half the time calling out constellations.

“.. and that’s Alpha Centauri B in the corner,” Ensign Ghabrizi explained, the corresponding star pulsing over their heads as she went on to explain the triple system nearest the Terran solar system.

It had been a good day, overall. This morning she was the last member of the Troi-Riker household to wake up. On the bedside table she found a cup of warm ginger tea, which she was pleased to find she could sit up to enjoy before needing to use the facilities and before feeling even the slightest bit queasy. The infusion two days ago probably helped with that. She had walked into their lounge wrapped in her robe and yawning hugely to find Will helping Thad pour pancake batter onto a hot griddle. Her boys had served her two warm pancakes drizzled with a little chocolate syrup and alderna berries. It had been delicious and decadent.

Her morning sessions had gone well, too, with both patients glad to see her again. She had been very selective about which patients to keep right now. Lunch had been a leap of faith because she’d risked the various smells of Seven Forward to eat with the other two counselors on staff, and she’d quietly filled both in on her and Will’s newest secret. While she still wanted to keep it between her and Will for a while longer, she realized that she probably should have told her staff sooner. They would be picking up the slack if she had to go back to full rest again. And they would have additional work during her maternity leave.

She knew each day that passed was closer to Will needing to tell the rest of the senior staff. It was simply too much to share right now. Her staff had, at least on some level, understood this. Each new scan or test was a millimeter closer to “better,” but there were whole kilometers yet to go. They had barely kept the news past seven weeks when she was pregnant with Thad. It didn’t look like they would get this far. There would be support, but also concern. And Deanna was struggling with all of her own emotions. She didn’t know if she could handle the concern of the senior staff, much less the entire Titan crew. Not over something so personal. And uncertain.

“Look at the cons’llations!” her son was on his feet beside her now, patting her shoulder and frantic for her to notice the one he was pointing to as the lights lowered to something like thirty percent. Thad knew so much, and his young brain was like a sponge soaking up everything he was exposed to. It never failed to make her smile when his precocious vocabulary exceeded the skill of his mouth to form the words.

She wrapped an arm gently around him to keep him near her, and to enjoy the extra warmth in this room that, like much of the starship, felt cooler than she’d like. “Do you know which one that is?” she queried, following his gaze.

His head tipped back, and he squinted for a long moment. “It’s… uh… it’s The Crocodile!” he proclaimed. Thad knew many of the Terran and Betazoid constellations. He loved to watch them at night before he fell asleep. His nightlight cast the stars across the ceiling of his room, and sometimes it was the only thing that kept him in his bed and still enough for his eyes to droop closed.

“That’s a lovely name,” Deanna murmured, pressing a kiss to his cheek and feeling him beam. The excitement and pure delight of the handful of children resonated around the room, and she basked in it. Her empathy was a beautiful gift, but it came with its challenges. This was one of the best perks—the uplifting emotions were their own pleasure. Her yawn caught her by surprise, and Deanna was incrementally aware that she had given more of her weight to the bulkhead. She felt no urge to fight it right now.

At some point it occurred to her that she was feeling more comfortably warm, and it registered that Oliver Mayen had snuggled up on her left and was resting his head on her leg. Deanna gave him a warm smile and gently patted his back. He was a Bastazarian and covered with soft honey-colored hair and rather resembled a bear at first glance. “How are you today, Oliver?” she asked.

In response, he gave a toothy smile. When she shifted, he took the invitation and climbed into the spot that Thad had abandoned and curled up in her lap. “Did you come to tell us a story or are we going to make art?” he whispered.

“Today I’m here to enjoy the stars with you. Is that alright?” She could sense the contentment coming from him, but enjoyed the conversations she had with Thad’s friends. One never knew exactly what a four-year-old would say. They certainly kept her on her toes.

He nodded and settled himself into a comfortable spot. Oliver had spent plenty of time with her and with Will. She considered him a nephew. He was an imaginative child, but thankfully he and Thad were largely content with playing with their toys in either of their quarters or on supervised holodeck adventures. And less likely to wander the ship.

Another little friend had joined them now: Nsia, a young half-human half-Bajoran that Deanna had worked with a few months ago when her family had joined the USS Titan crew. “I’m going to sit with you,” Nsia announced to her, settling on her other side. It was almost comical how the girl would scoot closer every few moments until her leg was against Deanna’s.

It seemed even the novel of stars and Stellar Cartography could not hold their attention for long. In her lap, Deanna could sense Oliver’s drowsiness that was almost as contagious as her son’s curiosity and joy. From Nsia she could feel a sense of harbor, and nearly at the same moment the little girl captured Deanna’s right hand and was examining her fingernails as intently has she had been studying Deanna’s curly hair in the dim lighting.

“I like that color,” Nsia whispered as their ensign guide continued to talk and to answer questions. “How come it’s not all that color?”

Somehow Deanna had lost track of the days because she usually indulged in a manicure every week and a half or so. With everything that had happened the last weeks, she was long overdue and several nails had chipped. Also, she wondered if Nsia was able to see better in the dim light because her eyes were young or if Bajorans had better eyesight than Betazoids or humans. “The color needs to be taken off and a new color put on. It doesn’t last forever.”

Nsia lifted the hand a little closer for inspection. “You should make it blue like your uniform.”

Deanna gave her a thoughtful glance. “I’m not sure if they have that color, but I’ll think about that. But we should listen to Ensign Ghabrizi now. She worked very hard to learn all of the things she is trying to teach us, and it’s polite to listen.”

Politeness, Deanna reflected, only went so far with nursery aged children. Her little realm was steadily growing. Two more children had joined their little group, and it was starting to resemble something like a pile of drowsy puppies. In all honesty, she was enjoying the majority of it. They were sweet and so pure in their emotions, including a shy young Trill who had a crush on her but wasn’t willing to push beyond Nsia. Will teased her about the crush. And she often reminded him that more than one of the school children and any number of crew had active crushes on him.

Being Betazoid made her only too aware of these emotions. Frankly, several of them were so obvious it didn’t take any special empathy to see—some who were clearly enamored with her and sometimes after Will, and occasionally crushing on both of them. More than one member of the crew had been caught staring—only to realize she was present, often making them flush and suddenly avoid eye contact for a week or two. The younger crew members sometimes needed a conversation with Vale to remind them of propriety. Deanna wasn’t bothered by the looks or occasional stray thoughts, but once or twice persistence had led to some direct conversations about boundaries. Little Kylan’s crush was more like awe mixed with something worshipful or reverent.

And it suddenly occurred to Deanna that a certain someone had settled on her left. Will had found a spot to her left, the young Bajoran that was originally beside her now in his lap and already half-asleep again. _How did you manage to sneak up on me?_ she demanded, shifting slightly closer to her husband as the ensign continued to narrate her way through a galaxy. Normally she sensed him when he was fairly close. It was easier than it had ever been—the Titan was maybe a third the size of Enterprise with far less beings on board. And since they had rekindled their relationship years ago, their bond and sense of one another had only grown.

 _First of all, I’m very skilled,_ he teased as he slid his arm around her and dropped a lingering kiss to her hair. _Second, you’re distracted by the Deanna Troi fan club. And third, you’re tired._

 _Sleepy,_ she corrected, _my body is a little busy growing another being._ The next yawn wasn’t a surprise, but she let herself lean against Will’s shoulder and relax further into a contented state with his body warmth. _But it was a good day._

“Good,” he murmured, pressing another kiss into her hair and giving a drowsy Oliver a wink before nodding to the shy Trill still trying to find a way around Nsia to her side. _I see your admirer is trying to steal you away from me again._

Deanna gave him a gentle nudge and stroked Oliver’s shoulder too soothe him as the movement unsettled him. _Kylan is very sweet. And you’re cute when you’re jealous. I sat down, and they sort of ... flocked to me._ She didn’t try to suppress the third yawn that was building. Oliver was already drifting off when she let herself relax further against Will, several of the children shifting again around her but letting themselves be lulled by the dim light and shimmer of stars overhead.

 _You’re a safe place for them, Imzadi. It’s beautiful._ He knew it better than anyone. She could hold space for him, both emotionally and in her mind. It was calm and almost transcendental. And his arms were her own refuge.

“This is my spot,” their son interrupted her reverie. He had finally realized his father had joined them and was presently trying to evict his napping friend from Will’s lap. Emotions and their volatility were a curious thing among children Thad’s age. Thad varied in which parent he favored on any given day or week. Deanna had learned to wait out the dry spells when Will was his person. She couldn’t really fault Thad in the least for liking his father so much, not when Will was her favorite person, too. And, she mused, four year olds could also be downright petty. Currently her son was about to use sheer leverage to evict the sleeping friend.

“There’s enough room to share daddy’s with Ver Jellizade,” she reasoned, hoping it might stop him before he committed to action.

Will’s hand was enough to keep Thad from actually moving the little Bajoran. “You can sit in my lap, too, but pushing is not okay.”

“It’s my spot,” came the protest. Deanna could sense the frustration and tiredness welling in him and knew they were moments away from the critical point. Field trips were always a nice break from the classroom. But even an early lunch didn’t counteract the fact that on any other day they would hitting REM sleep by now. Of the eight children in his group, only he and Nsia were still fully awake. Kylan and another were on the cusp of slumber and the other half had given over fully to it.

Will held him firmly and shook his head. “Thaddeus Troi-Riker, we use gentle hands. What does that mean?”

Thad’s bottom lip came out in a pout before trembling slightly. “No pushing or hitting. But it’s _my_ spot.”

“And I have room for you,” Will assured him, wrapping his arm around him now and bringing him in close for a hug. He shifted the little girl and guided Thad to sit. “See? Plenty of room for you,” he murmured. Giving Deanna a reassuring smile, he leaned back against the bulkhead and brought Thad’s attention to the stars above them as they shifted to simulate the space journey they had taken over the last year. Stars and planets began floating across the ceiling, asteroids and comets whizzing past.

“Did you make us go that way, daddy?” he asked.

“Mhmm,” Will answered. “Straight through the Alpha Quadrant. Lieutenant Crusher helped us plot the course.”

“Can I visit Uncle Wesley today?”

Deanna wasn’t sure how they were so lucky to have Wesley on the ship, but he was one of Thad’s favorite people. And one of the crew she trusted completely with her son. Every so often he would take Thad off on adventures on the ship or occasionally the holodeck. If anyone understood what it was like to grow up on a ship with a parent in a prominent role, it was Wesley.

“Not today,” Will tempered his expectations. “But maybe we can arrange it soon.”

 _Do you think he’s going to be jealous when we tell him?_ Will queried. _He’s been asking for a brother or sister for a while now._ In his lap, Thad was giving back into the distraction of the stars and had pulled his father’s arm firmer around him.

Deanna shrugged and sighed softly. _A bit jealous. And wanting a sibling is different than the reality of a sibling._

 _You mean he wanted Oliver to be his brother._

There was amusement in it, and more than once Thad had asked if they could make Oliver his brother. Somehow Deanna suspected that the Mayens might object to that. There were, she reflected, advantages to a four-year-old. Lack of diapers and toilet training for one. They had briefly considered adoption. It was a beautiful way to build a family. But more suited to a family at a star base or stationed on a planet than a captain and his family on perpetual exploration.

 _He was curious about Nsia’s baby sister,_ she reminded _… but I don’t think he’ll grasp how small a newborn is. We should talk about that at some point._ She was sure he would have a range of feelings about it. Which is another reason why it was nice to keep it between them and the doctors for now. She knew there were any number of reactions that might be normative for Thad, but experiencing them with him and parenting him through those reactions was another thing.

Beside her, her husband shifted Thad slightly and pulled her close again. _I’m right here with you, Imzadi,_ he reminded.

She must have drifted herself because she was suddenly aware of the lack of warmth and was startled from sleep. It took a moment to get her bearings.

Will’s hand was on her back in reassurance as he shifted their sleeping son to his shoulder and left arm. “I don’t like this new trend of you asleep on the floor,” Will murmured quietly.

“At least I wasn’t sprawled out this time,” she countered, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Several of the crew had been enlisted to carry the sleeping children back to the nursery. Whoever had taken Oliver was already out of the room, and she realized it was the loss of the children keeping her warm that had finally pulled her to wakefulness.

Beside her, Will stood and waited for her to do the same. They followed the others into the rather brighter corridor, but the light didn’t seem to have any effect on Thad. He was still napping hard, and Deanna was thankful that they wouldn’t have to go through the emotions of goodbyes. Morning drop off was smooth these days, but Thad always wanted them to stay longer with his class or check him out early after either of them visited. And they both struggled to say no to that, knowing their careers kept them busier than most parents on a star ship-- Will's job in particular.

As they took their slow walk, Will gave Thad’s back an affectionate pat. There was something tender in it, Deanna realized it reminded her of how he used to try to soothe Thad when he was an infant. Another reminder of what they were heading back into, along with the tremor of uncertainty as she still worked to reduce her stress and eat well and hope that her body continued to ease its fight response. “Imzadi?” he pressed.

She’d stopped without realizing it. Shaking her head slightly as though to clear it, she gave him a watery smile. “I’m not sure what all of those emotions were. Everything has been… intense lately,” she admitted.

Taking advantage of the empty corridor, he bent to press a kiss to her cheek. Affection while either of them were on duty and in a public area was rare. “Are you alright?”

A nod was her reply, and she attempted a tight smile. The smile that didn’t fool either of them. “I think I know a little of how Thad felt at the end of the field trip. A good rest should sort it out.”

“I know you’d rather work, but if it’s too much…”

Her head tipped slightly in reflection. “Tomorrow is a rest day. I’m only working half the day, every other day. I’d like to give it at least one more try before I re-assess.” She gave a small smile, appreciating that he was as protective of her energy as he was about everything else with her. “And I think it’s time I take a proper nap.”

Several of the cartography staff had returned their small burdens to the nursery and were now filing out of the darkened room on their way back to duty. Will gave them all quick greetings and let the subject drop. Once the door was clear, Will walked stealthily through the dim room to settle Thad into his cot and tuck his blanket around the boy. She could feel his joy in having these small moments with his family today. He took an extra moment to thank Thad’s teacher before rejoining her in the corridor.

Married life onboard a ship wasn’t all starlight and cocktails, but she had to admit it had its moments. And she couldn’t think of another person she’d rather share it all with, even if this next adventure was merely an escort back to quarters. She could’ve made it very easily herself, but she knew a little part of Will still held onto his role as First Officer and wanted to ensure her rest and comfort. And it was easy for her to indulge him in this.


	8. Becalmed

In theory, his wife’s return to the Observation Lounge should have been smooth. Will missed her during the day, missed the large amounts of their day that they had companionably shared for, well, more than a decade now. It had been an adjustment for both of them. He wasn’t sure who was having a harder time adapting—Deanna or him.

He was trying, trying so hard not to override her agency. But both as a husband and as a captain, it gutted him to see her join the rest of the senior staff looking pale and tired. It was immediately obvious that whatever she had eaten most recently had disagreed with her sensitive stomach. And he hated that for her because she had almost gained a routine and footing with her counseling schedule. But the day hadn’t started well, and he knew her too well to think it had improved much.

_They were both on a beta shift schedule this week, well as much as Deanna had a schedule. So Will had indulged in sleeping an extra hour and a half and had let her continue to sleep while he got ready for his day. She was definitely asleep but seemed restless and made a few soft noises of discomfort as he dressed. Reaching over, he caught a light sheet and pulled it over her bare shoulder, hoping the warmth would be enough to soothe her into deeper rest and not too much warmth to wake her. She could never seem to get enough sleep right now. When he finally emerged into their personal lounge, he was surprised to hear his son talking quietly to himself._

_Thad was in his room, sprawled out on his bed and his nightlight stars still illuminating the room in dim light. In Thad’s hands was a toy replica of Enterprise that Picard had given to him for his third birthday. He was making soft whooshing and humming noises and calling out occasional commands like “Engage” and “L’Tenent Widner, Warp Eight!” Will leaned against the doorway and indulged in a long moment of his son’s care-free amusements. In all honesty, he was surprised their son hadn’t tried to crawl into bed and woken him up much earlier. He and Deanna might be on a beta shift schedule, but Thad was still firmly entrenched in alpha shift routine. These changes were one of the bigger adjustments to parenthood._

_Deciding it would be easier to let Thad play while he replicated breakfast, Will moved to the lounge and programmed in a high protein granola mix that he’d taken to during his years at the academy. His own breakfast had been downright leisurely, scrolling through communiques on his PADD before ordering up Deanna’s morning tea and a meal for Thad._

_He’d sensed it right before he knew it had happened. His wife startling awake, the distress clear even a room away. Will could still cross the distance in record time, thanks to his determination to squeeze in runs and work outs in the gymnasium._

_She was leaning over her side of the bed, prone and trying to fight down a second wave of nausea. Her body trembled with the effort, eyes screwed shut. The only vaguely good thing was that they kept a small bin on that side of the bed for solely this purpose. Her fingers were wrapped around the edge of the mattress so tightly that her knuckles were white._

_It made him ache to see her dealing with this and knowing he could only do so much to help. He could, however, pull her hair back and gently secure it out of her way. “Hot or cold towel?” Experience told him that it could go either way, and assuming usually proved wrong._

_“Hot,” Deanna breathed, making a soft whimpering noise as her body trembled again with the effort of trying not to vomit. He knew that sometimes she wondered if it would be better to simply give in to it to get it over with. Results varied there, too._

_He brought two warm towels with him, though it was not fast enough to stave off a second upheaval while he was in their restroom. The first towel was draped over her bare back and shoulders. Her slower, deeper breath told him that this was the right choice. Relief washed over both of them. Deanna had a habit of feeling flushed and too warm through the initial round, but within moments was often cold, which led to trembling as her body tried to cope with the strain, which only made her feel worse. This particular pattern had been consistent over the last few weeks. Now he took the second towel and gently wiped her face and her mouth. She’d shifted back a bit, head resting on the edge of the mattress. He supported it gently and offered her a cup of tepid water to rinse out the taste out and then to sip._

_“Thank you,” she finally breathed, going limp against the bedding. Deanna took a cautious breath, and then another. Each a little deeper. Her hand rubbing sluggishly over her lips as she curled in on herself._

_“Anything for you, Imzadi,” he murmured, adjusting the towel over her shoulders to offer more coverage. It would need to be taken off soon, or it would get too cool and completely defeat its purpose. On the bedside table, he grabbed one of the small ginger drops and presented it to her. He wanted so much to gather her up against him and hold her, but he could sense that her stomach was barely on this side of settled. “Better?”_

_She opened her mouth to accept the ginger and let it start to dissolve on her tongue. “Mhmm. Little bit.” He could sense her relaxing by degrees, her body letting go of the intensity. Her thoughts and emotions subsided as she started one of her meditation routines as he pressed a kiss to her brow. In a few more minutes, he would replace the damp towel with a dry one and leave her to try to sleep._

Her next infusion was scheduled for this evening, and they’d had a short argument over whether or not to move up the time table while Thad was busy dressing himself for the day. His wife was extremely adept at masking many of her emotions and her reactions. But she failed abysmally when it came to attempting to hide when she didn’t feel well. Sickness or injury made it very difficult for her to maintain the façade. They hadn’t seen each other since before beta shift had begun, when Will had taken Thad to school and left her on their sofa with a plate of barely-touched fruits and nuts. She had been wan, but dressed for the day, sipping ginger tea and determined to hold to her already-reduced schedule.

Will mentally kicked himself for not calling the doctor on the spot. His first and strongest argument remained—he felt it was senseless for her to suffer any more today or have to wait until later when relief could be obtained so easily. She’d answered quietly that she simply wanted rest right now, making it clear that she didn’t want the upheaval of even the doctor in her quarters when she craved quiet and their own small world. In the last four and half hours, he’d tried to check in, but their meetings and responsibilities meant they hadn’t had time to connect.

While Will had respected her choice and her right to make it… as a husband, as a father, and as a captain, he still questioned if he should’ve overridden it. And now it was to a point where he was going to have to have a conversation with her and with Vale after this meeting. He would leave the decision up to Deanna and to their First Officer. It felt a little like shirking responsibility to turn this over to Vale, but this was exactly the role of a First Officer—to make decisions about the welfare of the crew, to watch his blind spots.

Lieutenant Tsung was in the midst of his report, and it was taking all of Will’s self-discipline to attend. Preparations were underway for a short mission to Qiri Pashta, a neutral world that had already had first contact. Their civilization had early warp capabilities, and they were a cautious people. They were also in the midst of recovery from five years of drought that had depleted many of their natural resources. The Titan was going to bring in humanitarian aid, if Pashtans weren’t too proud to reject it. Will felt strongly that Deanna shouldn’t be included in the away team, and he knew that she wasn’t going to like it. While this wasn’t going to be a surprise to her, he could sense that she was too preoccupied with the meeting and also a rough day to give his thoughts much attention at present.

When the younger diplomatic-officer-in-training finished his summary, Will shifted slightly toward his wife. “Commander Troi, your impressions?”

“I concur with the Lieutenant’s assessment. We need to be firm and business-like in this endeavor. The Pashtan people have a cautious nature and a great deal of pride, and they will bristle if this is approached as charity or pity. Their perceptions are much like humans, and they are not empaths or telepaths. But they may misinterpret aid if it isn’t handled carefully. Perhaps this could also make them a little more willing to reconsider the offer to the join the Federation as well.”

She fell into her role almost effortlessly, as though she hadn’t been away from the majority of the senior staff for three weeks. Will knew she sensed the curiosity and concern from the rest of the officers in the room. There had been polite inquiries about her made by various crew on the bridge and in passing and in Seven Forward. Deanna was well-liked on staff, which Will had been aware of for years. It gave him some pride that this crew valued her at least as much as the Enterprise crew had. But there was growing concern when the days stretched and she still had not reappeared on duty. Privacy was a very tricky, and often elusive, thing on a smaller starship. Or on any starship.

His Chief of Security, Kremer, tapped the arm of his chair with pent up energy, clearly ready for action. “Captain, I think we should send down two extra members of the security team. I know the situation is delicate, but I think it’s warranted. They can offer extra support to the medical team in hauling and helping to distribute supplies while keeping a wider watch on the situation.”

Will nodded. “Good idea. Dr. Marshall, is your team still on schedule with preparations?”

The doctor gave a slight shrug, and it didn’t escape Will’s notice that he had been watching Deanna closely during the meeting. “We’re slightly behind, but we should still be able to meet the schedule. I could use a few more crew to help sort and organize the supplies that The Challenger dropped off this morning."

“I can assign some of my crew to assist you. How many people do you need?” their chief engineer asked.

“At least four more crew would be helpful,” the doctor answered.

“Kremer, if you’ll assign two more from tactical, they can go ahead and start working with the medical teams now and will be more familiar with supplies and lay out when they beam down,” Vale spoke up. “And send down three of your engineering crew,” she added to their chief before turning back to the doctor. “Is that enough?”

Dr. Marshall gave a nod. “That should easily put us back on track with the timeline.”

“Anything else?” Will queried. When it seemed they had covered everything needed, he dismissed the staff, asking for the doctor, Vale, and Deanna to hold back.

It garnered a few curious and confused looks from the rest of the officers, though it wasn’t like he hadn’t done this before. In times of stress and crisis, he had occasionally asked these three to stay and discuss the overall morale and wellbeing. But usually that conversation was more to gauge and assess. This one was going to be very specific about one particular crew member’s wellbeing.

Normally Vale took the seat to his right and Deanna to his left, exactly as they sat on the bridge. But today Deanna had joined a little later and had entered the room on the far end. She’d opted for a seat further down. Partially in deference to Tsung, who was taking point for this diplomatic mission. And partially, he assumed, to have an easier exit in the event her stomach rebelled again.

He had enough sense to remember to address Deanna directly. One of the things she hated most of all was when people talked about her like she wasn’t in the room or like she couldn’t hear. She’d had more than her share of that as a child, growing up as a non-telepath on a telepathic planet. “Commander Troi, I don’t think it’s safe for you to join the away team.”

It wasn’t a surprise to her. They had talked around this only once, earlier in the week in their quarters over supper. It had been tense, and it had upset Thad to see his parents frustrated with one another. She’d asked to wait and see how she felt by this meeting. For the sake of peace in their quarters, Will had agreed to table the conversation.

He could see her frustration in the way she stiffened and her chin lifted slightly in protest. “Tsung is going to be an excellent diplomatic officer someday, but he lacks experience,” Deanna countered. “I don’t object to him taking point at all, but I think if I’m on the planet with him, I could be more of a support to him. Surely there’s a chair on the planet that I can sit in and listen.”

Vale turned in her seat, shifting her weight and obviously searching for an effective approach to the conversation. Will certainly didn’t envy her in this task. “Is Commander Troi medically cleared to resume diplomatic duties?” she asked, her gaze flickering between Deanna, the doctor, and their captain.

“Not for full duties or diplomatic duties,” Dr. Marshall admitted, giving Deanna a sympathetic glance. “And given how stretched the Pashtans are for resources, if anything were to happen with you and transporters falter, it could leave you very vulnerable.”

Will practically bit the inside of his cheek to force himself not to speak up just yet. There was nothing more for him to add at the moment, for he had already made his stance clear. It always circled back to control for her. None of them had any control or predictability with this pregnancy. There was no one to persuade. And he knew that uncertainty scared her in ways she hadn’t yet processed. It scared the hell out of him, too. Will also knew, from vast experience, that it was easier when she came to these conclusions on her own.

 _I’m trying to,_ came a testy thought from his wife. _Rationally, it makes sense, but I don’t like it._

“Is the issue really about being on the planet itself, or are you more concerned about access?” Vale tried, approaching things at a new angle.

Deanna gave a huff, though not exactly of exasperation. More like when she was geared up to defend an opinion and the topic shifted unexpectedly. She was quiet for several long moments, before relaxing a little more into her chair. She had been holding herself so stiffly for the whole meeting, and Will knew it was going to make her ache. “In the last few diplomatic endeavors, we split the responsibilities and various roles. It gave Tsung an opportunity to try various parts, but with me on hand in case he wasn’t sure where to go next or how to direct an issue. I’d hoped to have more of those, before letting him take increasing point on these missions until he could do the entire mission from start to end without me. Scaffolding it…”

“And you’re concerned because this mission is more delicate than the last two,” Will continued the thought. It earned a small blink of surprise from Dr. Marshall. It was a reminder to Will that while he and Deanna were used to this connection and continuation of each other’s thoughts, most people were not.

His wife nodded, and her hand dropped below the table to rest on her waist. “I understand, intellectually, that I can’t do a full mission. And I … hadn’t fully considered the doctor’s points about access to care. I don’t want to undermine Tsung’s confidence, either. But it’s unfair to him as an officer and diplomat to send him into this without the support or experience.”

All three of the others exchanged slightly surprised glances. Will wished she could’ve articulated this earlier, but he also realized that sometimes it took a bit of processing and sheer time to come to certain realizations.

“Do you think the Pashtans would agree to conference in the commander?” Vale asked, though mostly directing the question to Deanna. “That would allow you to still maintain a presence but without the risks of being on planet.”

“I think it’s worth asking,” the doctor added.

Deanna gave a thoughtful nod. “We still have some time to work on this as an option. Tsung does have his com badge for any more urgent issues.”

Will shifted his weight to lean against the left arm rest. “You should schedule a few debriefings with Tsung as well. Even if they objected to an open line during more formal meetings, they should expect that we would have debriefings with officers. We can monitor the needs through that. Vale, could you work up a few contingency plans with Commander Troi tomorrow? I know we can’t prepare for every possible outcome, but it’s a good idea to have a few plans in place that effectively use our personnel and resources while minimizing her health risks.”

 _Thank you._ She didn’t love the idea—that much he realized. But they had managed a workable solution. It was a good reminder that this whole situation, both with the baby and the Pashtarans’, was playing out day by day and moment by moment.

Vale took the opportunity to dismiss herself, noting she needed to follow up with engineering on some schematics and array panels.

As she slipped from the room, the doctor’s focus narrowed. It didn’t surprise either Will or Deanna in the least when he pulled out a tricorder. It was an impulse inherent to the profession. “May I?”

Her lips pressed into a grimace. “I need the next infusion earlier,” she admitted. She avoided looking in her husband’s direction when she divulged in a small voice, “I haven’t kept down anything but water and tea today. After this, I had planned to go with you to sickbay.” It was, truly, a testament to how miserable she felt.

The doctor ran through the scan anyway, managing to hold back chiding in a way that they knew Beverly Crusher never would’ve. Instead, he noted the results, and pulled out a hypo and rounded the table to her side. “I brought one along as a precaution,” he assured, pressing it to her neck and giving her shoulder a reassuring pat. “You’re dehydrated, you’ve lost a little weight, and your body needs some fuel.”

She blanched at the even the word _fuel_ but nodded. “I tried,” she whispered, blinking hard but angry tears were spilling out anyway. Her fingers curled around the edge of the table in frustration. “I’ve eaten _four times_ today, and nothing….” Deanna swallowed hard, clearly trying to put sickness out of her mind, “Nothing stays down. I don’t understand why my body won’t _cooperate_ with anything.”

Will grimaced and pushed himself from his chair, crossing the space between them and leaning against an empty chair. They were only five working hours into the shift. If he’d known, if he’d known any of this, he would have sent her immediately to sick bay. When she had joined them, he felt a distance from her. Knew she was shielding. Assumed it had been to make it through the meeting since her emotions and energy was so unpredictable right now.

Fathomless dark eyes finally met his, and she tried to swallow down a quiet sob. “I’m a mess, but you were right… I should’ve called for the infusion when I first woke up. I don’t… I don’t know why I fought it. And I _know_ it’s not safe to go to the planet, but… there’s so much to do, and he _does_ need the support…” She hiccupped as the doctor pressed a cup of water into her hands. “And I’m _so frustrated._ ”


	9. Riptide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, these two. Sorry this chapter took so long. My life has truly been upended lately. A few more weeks of wild, and then maybe things will settle a touch more.

The Fifth House was big enough on its own. Far larger than anything needed to house Deanna and her family. It had been far too much house throughout her childhood. Entire wings were unused. The south wing was, more or less, a museum and historical site. Tours were limited but happened on several days throughout the month. The west wing was available to host special events.

Deanna Troi had spent most of her childhood living in the north wing and attending occasional, more formal, functions in the east and south wings. By some miracle, most of the damage to the home during the Dominion War was limited. The Second House had taken the worst of the damage of the wars. By and large, the houses had been spared as they were less a symbol of government than they had been generations ago. The cities and government buildings had fared far worse.

For most beings, it would be sad. And Deanna certainly felt a lingering sense of ache when she visited her home planet. There was an underlying ache to the people as they continued to heal from the trauma of war and invasion. But Betazoids were resilient. And they were determined to rebuild and move forward.

The work was monotonous, though. And she still wasn’t really sure why they were building an addition to the scarcely used east wing. And yet here she was, placing sandstone brick after sandstone brick into the expansion of the wing. The stones were lighter than she would’ve expected, but it was endless work. Pallets were nearby, and she wasn’t really certain how long this wall would go, only that there were meters upon meters left. And then the new flooring with its intricate marbled tiling. Each tile was rectangular in shape, and she had seen the intricate herringbone pattern that was yet to be laid.

It seemed like hours were passing, and yet no time at all. She was reminded eerily of a time loop. And not a soul was in sight, though she was sure she senses others going about their day. Dabbing a bit of mortar, she settled the next brick in place before using the trowel to smooth the grouting around it. She set the tools at her feet and stretched slightly, grunting at the dull ache in her lower back. Her eyes slid shut with a sigh.

And she opened them to find two blue eyes staring down at her.

“Hey,” Will murmured, his hand on her shoulder and thumb rubbing against the hollow above her collarbone.

Deanna felt the familiar support of their bed under her and the softness of her pillow. On the wall was a collection of family photos and their wedding portrait. “That was a strange dream,” she sighed, rubbing her eyes and yawning. “I was building some absurd addition to the east wing at Fifth House. Why would we even need to…”

The corner of his mouth twitched into an affectionate grin. “You had building dreams at least a few times with Thad. We shared a few of those dreams.” It was a side effect of being Imzadi, when his dreams blended into hers and vice versa. And more than a few nightmares. He shifted slightly, scooting a little closer to the foot of the bed before bending and pressing a soft kiss to her belly. “How are my future heirs to the Sacred Chalice of Rixx?”

Her nose wrinkled slightly. “Assuming mother bequeaths the moldy pot to me instead of my little brother … Still a bit tired, but the new infusion is helping. I haven’t been… sick,” she hesitated on the last word. Sometimes thinking about it too much made it rear its ugly head. Her hand caught his and pressed it against her body. “Too light,” Deanna protested the gentle touch, squirming and suddenly unable to bear it. The touch that wasn’t meant to be tickling, but it was too much when she felt oversensitive.

The broad palm pressed more firmly against her middle. Her belly was still nearly flat, but in the last weeks she could sense her body making accommodations for pregnancy. Hair had grown thicker and already looked a bit glossier. And _everything_ had become more sensitive. Her body ached in new ways and itched in others as it gave way, day by day and hour by hour to slowly accepting that pregnancy was happening.

“Do you have any idea how damn attractive you look like this?” her husband whispered, dropping another reverent kiss to her belly and then pressing a lingering one to her lips.

She smiled, arms wrapping around his neck and drawing him down. “Empath, remember? I have _some_ idea.” It was a curious mix of awe and an enduring attraction and dedication to her. It was strange on a day when some of the least attractive symptoms still lurked in recent memory. But it was resonating deep within her and sending a surge of emotions and welled up into tears. The response felt primal, and underneath his concern was a surge of desire echoed back to her. Her fingers toyed with the hairs at the back of his neck as he pulled back from the kiss and pressed his forehead against hers.

“Deanna…”

With a sigh, she let her hands slide to his neck and drape her arms over his shoulder. “Four deities… if The Phase is half this bad…”She tried to take a deep breath, but it didn’t help because she was breathing in the nearness of him.

“One day at a time,” Will reminded, pressing a kiss to her cheek.

Her fingers lifted and toyed with the lock that always fell forward across his forehead when it got too long, and she smoothed it back. It was beyond frustrating. Not being able to freely express herself in _all_ of her favorite ways with her husband was becoming harder to ignore.

Before she could do anything, Will was gently wiping the stray tears from her cheek. “We have a few more days to wrap things up here. How are you doing with all the secondary stuff planet-side?”

Somewhere into day two of their mission of mercy, she’d realized that the surges of emotion were partly tied to the general distress of the Pashtarians as they struggled with another in a long line of environmental crises and the residual stress from the crew who had been spending shifts on site. Teams of the engineering crew and general crew were attempting to help with distributing supplies and repairs to larger services like better agricultural practices and shifting irrigation practices to take advantage of changes to the topography.

Deanna gave a half shrug and slowly shifted before accepting a cup being offered. Her mint tea from earlier had cooled, but she still took it and sipped as she considered. “I should take the inhibitor. I don’t like it, but two humanitarian missions back to back, it’s wearing on everyone. As hard as some of this has been for me, if the crew at large is starting to feel the effects, then we can’t take on another crisis at this scale without—”

“Leave, I know,” he finished for her. His fingers tugged at the blanket, automatically helping disentangle the end that had wrapped around one foot. She must’ve been restless in her sleep, and she vaguely remembered something about climbing scaffolding and some beautiful inset stones… “After this, everyone’s taking leave. It’ll take a week or two to rotate through a proper cycle, but my ship’s counselor hasn’t been wrong about leave before.”

Her head cocked slightly, eyes meeting his. “There’s more to this than just leave.” It wasn’t a question. She knew him too well.

“We’re going to Starbase G-6. The doctors all think it’s a good idea. They can do more advanced labs.” It was the proverbial elephant in the room.

Her reflexive response was umbrage. It simmered under the surface, and her lip pouted rebelliously. But she was a diplomat, changing emotions or not. And so Deanna took a long sip to drain the last of her tea, free hand draping over her middle as her eyes studied his. “What can they do that Beverly, Kate, and Dr. Marshall haven’t already?” she finally asked.

His eyes searched hers for long moments. “Pulaski thinks there are more advanced genetic analysis. Dr. Marshall thinks it can’t hurt.” A palm slid to her hip, urging her to shift. When she hesitated, his thumb stroked over her hip bone, a reminder that she’d lost weight recently, rather than gaining like she should have. “C’mon, I know your back is bothering you.”

Her jaw tightened, and she shook her head slightly. “I don’t want a back rub. I want to know our baby is going to survive pregnancy,” Deanna admitted, voice thick with emotion. “I know it’s illogical, but I feel like I should be able to keep it safe. And I can’t…” The sob bubbled up before she could finish, and she let herself be drawn in to her husband’s chest.

Strong arms banded tightly around her, pulling her against him and his hand cupping the back of her head protectively. He was pressing kisses against her forehead and his own tears were falling now. It was too much, the flood of emotion as intense as the too gentle touch had been earlier.

She gasped for deep breaths, already working to calm herself. There was too much to do.

“No,” Will rasped, voice low, mouth pressed against her ear. “Don’t you dare try to stuff this down. I can feel it trying to rip you apart. I’ve got you, and you need to deal with some of it. To feel it for a minute.”

A thousand scenarios were unfolding in seconds. All of the “what if’s” bubbling up with each moment. She wanted it to be over, and the intensity of it peaked for what seemed like a long time. There were the worries about Thad, who’d had three accidents in the last week. The fear she sensed from Will for their baby and for her, fears she shared. Her own guilt at knowing that being a hybrid had challenges for her own health, and had they complicated it further with a baby that was even more of a hybrid.

It was like a rip tide, dragging her, tumbling through chaos of emotions and infinite and uncertain outcomes. By the time Will’s com badge chirped, most of the tears had ebbed out of her and she simply gave a sigh of surrender and went limp against him. She felt as wrung out as Thad had after his last nightmare.

“This is the Captain,” Will answered quietly as he tapped his badge. Fingers stroked along the nape of her neck, working the muscles that had been tense, not only for the last day but for weeks now.

“Sir, Lieutenant Tsung has reported that the Pashtarians’ council is reopening talks about joining the federation,” came Vale’s voice. “They would like to meet with him and also with Commander Troi later today to discuss various questions they have, and then they plan to meet among themselves to make a final decision."

Will pressed a kiss into his wife’s hair and continued to work on the muscles of her neck. “Thank you, did they give a time?”

“We requested a window because I didn’t want to rush it. I wasn’t sure if the commander would be with you, or if she would be resting.”

“I’m here,” Deanna answered, clearing her throat and knowing her voice was raspy, which would likely be mistaken for tiredness. “I think meeting in two hours would work. It would give me an opportunity to check in with the lieutenant and prepare myself for the meeting with their council.”

“Is there anything else I should pass on to Tsung on your behalf, Commander? I hope you’ve been able to get some rest.” There was underlying concern, and Deanna knew that Christine really did genuinely care. At the same time, there was a gap between knowing some of what she and Will were facing and the reality of walking through the day to day of it.

The warmth in Vale’s voice brought some comfort to Deanna and she took the first deep breath she had taken in a while before answering. “If he can be ready to talk in half an hour, he can update me on what I need to know. Then we’ll have time to do whatever else we need to do before the meeting.”

“I’ll make sure the lieutenant is prepared, Commander,” their first officer replied. “Is there anything else you’d like to me to add, or you Captain?”

“That should cover it,” Will answered. “Thank you. Riker out.” He tapped his com badge again to close the connection and continued to gently massage the back of her neck. “You know I’d really love to send you to Betazed for the next eight or so months. Or earth,” he sighed into her hair.

Her head shook slightly, shoulders tensing. “I’m only doing as okay as I am because you’re with me during this. And Thad—”

“I know,” he assured, “And I wouldn’t do that to us or to him.” He pulled back for a moment before giving her a warm kiss. “I wish I could fix this, too.” There was something else he wanted to say, and they both knew it.

It would be so easy to reach in and take the thought. She had been shielding a lot more than usual. For so many reasons, but right now her fingers sought his. Giving it a soft squeeze, she pressed. “Imzadi?”

“I think we should tell the crew soon,” he finally said. “There’s a lot of uncertainty, and I should’ve already told the senior staff.”

She went very still at the answer. Sometimes it was a serious disadvantage to be an empath. And it was, at times, worse to be a pregnant empath whose sense were heightened. Perhaps thousands of years ago it would have been necessary for survival. But this was absurd.

“Deanna?” Will was shifting to really look at her. He leaned back slightly, brow wrinkling with concern about the shift in the connection between them.

“You’re right.”

If the ship had encountered turbulence, he would’ve fallen off of the bed in surprise. Within moments, it was his turn to sense the _something else_ yet to be said. His brow creased deeper than before, hand coming instinctively to her thigh just above the knee. “Whatever it is, you already think I won’t like it.”

She studied him carefully, arm draping across her middle. “Some of the crew think I’m dying.”

It was like a solar flare or the sudden super cell with an updraft that nearly took her breath. In seconds she could feel the storm gathering around him, his anger sparking like lightning and ready to go off. “Who? And why are they gossiping about my wife behind my back?” he demanded.

Her head shook slightly. “ _Who_ is not important.”

“Deanna—”

“Will,” she stressed his name as firmly he had stressed hers, “That’s not the point and you know it. They’re scared. I can’t comfort them right now. I have other things to do. You have too many other things to do. We’ll tell the senior staff, and they can address it as they come across rumors.”

“They sure as hell better make sure nobody brings _that_ up in front of me,” he growled, still stormy but surrendering his hand to let her envelop it in both of hers.

She brought the hand to her lips and pressed a warm kiss to it. “I’m _not_ dying,” she reminded. The obvious was radiating from him. Fear for her paralyzed him if he let himself get caught up in. And as the father of a young child, it uprooted too many of his own bad memories of growing up with an adult who was too lost in his own grief to parent a toddler or the child and teen that followed.

“You’re _not_ dying,” he echoed roughly, as though it was an order.

“Will, even if something did—”

His eyes welled up, and he shook his head. “Don’t you dare say it,” he begged.

“Imzadi,” she implored, giving the hand still captured in hers a tight squeeze. “Even if the very worst of the worst happened, you’re nothing like him. You’ve made too many deliberate choices. Thad has his best father in any quadrant. And. I’m. Not. Going. Anywhere. Except to a meeting in twenty minutes in the Observation Lounge.”

He bent down now and pressed a long kiss to her lips, warm and barely skimming the surface of the intensity always just under the surface between them. “I love you,” he murmured.


	10. Tide Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank to everyone still following this and reading. My job has been uniquely busy this fall. I'm glad to finally have a new chapter up. I dearly love this sweet family.

Deanna shifted uncomfortably in her seat, one hand pressing against the small of her back. She should’ve let Will give her a back rub when he offered. She’d taken the inhibitor two hours ago—or rather Will had given it to her after he rather pointedly reminded her about it before they left their quarters. It was vaguely like being in low gravity with everything untethered and disproportionate. But it put breathing space between her and the emotions of the Pashtans.

And everyone else. Will and Thad were out there, but she couldn’t tell what they were feeling. Only that they _were_. 

She took a slow breath and lifted her hand, two fingers plexing behind her right ear. When Lieutenant Tsung gave her that look of concern from across their conference table, she offered a tight smile. For a society that was going through so many challenges, they still insisted on any number of ceremonies. First there were several recitations of rules of order. And next representatives from each of the seventeen districts spoke.

Patterns were emerging. From the previous meetings, she knew that a third of the representatives were hopeful or at least open to joining. Four delegates were angry and frustrated. Many had a mix of emotions. And those emotions were blessedly deadened right now for Deanna. But she was still aware they lingered.

There were moments when she had thought about leaving diplomatic relations before, but like counseling it was so gratifying when things did work out. At the moment, it was still fifty-fifty which direction the Pashatans would go. They had district gatherings planned for the upcoming days, to hear from their people and then return together to make a decision.

There was no easy way around it. The briefings she had read made it clear that to skip any district would be highly insulting. While districts were run independently from one another, the many difficult years of crisis had forced them to rely on one anther increasingly.

“Council, we want to thank you for your time and consideration,” Deanna finally had the opportunity to address them as the last speaker finished. “No doubt you have a great deal to consider before speaking to your own districts. We acknowledge that the many challenges your people face have not arisen overnight and will not be solved in a few hours or a few days or weeks. We sent the agreements of the federation to you and answered your question as best we can for now. I'm sure you are missing your own families and need rest of your own.”

The chief representatives nodded. “As, certainly, you and your Lieutenant need rest,” one conceded. “And we miss our families. They are our strength. We are sorry you could not arrive at the meetings with your lieutenant.”

She didn’t need her empathy to sense the disappointment tinged with a little doubt. So she took a slow breath, hand pressing against her belly before answering. “Again, my deepest apologies. My husband and I recently found that we are welcoming another child into our own family. It has been more difficult for me and forced me to take rest. Unfortunately, it also prevents me from traveling at this time.”

There was, she reflected, nothing quite like the truth. Tsung’s head lifted and he was turning to her in surprise. Deanna offered an apologetic smile. Quiet congratulations echoed among the delegates and wishes for her well-being. Her fingers toyed with the soft tunic she had chosen for this meeting. It was blue, the color of her profession and much like the ones she had worn during her previous pregnancy. Pregnancies, her memories chided as a thought of her sweet Ian bubbled up. Her lips pressed together for a long moment as she rode out the emotion and breathed out slowly. “Thank you all. I wish you all safe travels. And the lieutenant and I look forward to hearing your decision. Whatever it may be, we wish your people well.”

There were a few final courtesies before they could end the connection. But when they finally did, Deanna shifted a bit in her chair and turned to her protégé. “I hope you’re not angry at me for keeping it from you until now.”

He shook his head slightly, and offered a smile. “Congratulations to you and the captain.”

“Thank you,” she murmured, gaze dropping to her belly. “We’re hoping for a good outcome,” the counselor managed, swallowing hard. It was still hard to even say those words, much less think about them. “It’s rather complicated.”

“I’m sorry,” Tsung murmured. “And I hope for a good outcome as well.” He was still young, unsure of what to say. Deanna mused that she wasn’t entirely sure she would know what to say to someone in her own situation. She did know, however, that sometimes circumstances were beyond words. “Is there… anything I can get for you?”

Her impulse was to dismiss the offer, but it occurred to her that the meeting had been particularly long. “Another cup of Yridian tea. We can debrief, and then you deserve at least a day off duty to rest and relax. In the meantime, I’ll be off with the captain to tell Thad that he’s going to be a big brother.” It was something she and Will had discussed several times in the last week. The only way to squelch rumors that she was dying was with a little truth about her condition. He was breaking the news to the senior staff while she was in this meeting.

There would be no formal announcement, which made her feel a little sad. But given the complications that even they couldn’t explain, there was little help for it. The familiar warmth of the cup and scent of the tea brought her back to present, and Deanna pulled up her own notes to finish the job at hand.

The holodeck was warm, and as Deanna crossed the threshold and enabled the privacy lock behind her, she took a deep breath of one of her favorite places. Her husband had chosen, for this particular occasion, the Opal Sea. She was grateful that she knew the way by heart because her eyes were welling up from the thoughtfulness. It didn’t take long to make it to the small but luxurious changing room and cabana. Beyond her stretched the water.

Will was swimming languidly, and Thad had occupied himself with creating a castle on the sand bar with his bucket and shovel. She took a deep breath of the warm air before shedding her things onto the nearest lounge chair and walking into the water, letting the warmth surge around first ankles, then knees, until it was nearly to her shoulders.

The water lifted and lowered her with each wave, and she let herself be lulled by the repetition of it. It was almost hypnotic. Just as she was starting to disconnect, two arms wrapped around her and lifted her.

“Imzadi,” she murmured, feeling the familiar solid presence behind her and warm lips pressing to her shoulder. For long moments, they rose and fell together with each wave, letting the warmth from the fake sun beam down on them and the water surge around them.

Will lifted her on the fourth wave, the one cresting higher which would have broken over her otherwise since they had wandered deeper than she had realized. He dropped a kiss into her hair, delighting in her laugh. “If I’d known how much this would relax you, I would’ve reserved a holodeck permanently.”

“That wouldn’t be very fair,” she countered but without any scolding. It sounded amazing. And it had felt good to laugh with Will.

“Captain’s prerogative,” he intoned, though they both knew it wasn’t something he would follow through with. He turned her to face him, his head lowering to claim her lips sweetly before asking, “How did it go?”

“As well as it could for now,” Deanna answered, fighting back a yawn as he walked them closer to the shore until she could stand, even at the crest of each wave. “I, uh… told them our news.” His arms around her tightened reflexively. “I wanted them to know that it wasn’t personal. That I wasn’t purposely avoiding their planet.”

His arms gave a gentle squeeze around her, clearly not willing to give up his hold on her. “Good. Senior staff know now, too. They’re all on duty for controlling the rumor mill.”

She reached up and tugged him down for a kiss, lingering for a moment before pulling back and murmuring against his lips. “I’d rather talk about us than the rumor mill,” Deanna begged. It wasn’t hard to get him to shift away from work. She let her head fall to his chest, his palm stroking over her back to assure her.

“Da—Mommy!” her presence had finally been noticed by their boy. Thad was covered in sand, dark curls mused, and he was so excited that he was jumping up and down.

Deanna waved to him. “Hello, sweetheart!” she called.

“Lookit my castle!” Thad’s chest puffed out with pride as he stepped aside to show off his architecture skills. I was a gloppy pile of sand that was too damp, but he was grinning regardless.

“You worked so hard!” she praised. “Are you all finished with it?” It seemed like a safe enough question. After working with the younger children on the ship for a while now, she’d learned to ask exploratory questions like this. Another favorite of hers was ‘tell me about your picture’ instead of the less tactful ‘what is it?’

He shook his head and dropped down on the sand again and began digging another something that might be a moat. Thad tipped his bucket on its side and started to shovel and cram in sand for another construction.

“I tried to help him, but he wanted to do it himself,” Will murmured against her ear.

“He knows what he wants to do.”

“I wonder which parent he inherited that from,” came the teasing rumble.

She raised both eyebrows, head tilting. “I believe he may have inherited that trait from _both_ parents,” she leveled. “Besides, I thought you liked people who know what they want and pursue it.”

“You’re in a mood,” Will observed, leaning back slightly to regard her. “I’m not complaining, but…”

Her lips pressed together, eyes meeting his for long moment as she considered. “I do feel strange… Honestly, I think it’s a mood swing. Let’s enjoy the upswing while it lasts,” she answered wryly. And it was true. Underneath the ever-present tiredness, she felt buoyed in a way that went beyond the sea. When he started to relax his hold on her, Deanna pulled his arms closer around her. “I need this right now.”

The arms pulled her closer, and she relaxed against his chest again. “Everything else ok?” he asked calmly, though obviously sensing through some combination of her body language and the muted connection between them that there was, in fact, something else.

She nodded against him, needing the pressure of his arms and the scent of salt and him to ground her. “Inhibitor hasn’t worn off, yet. I know I needed it, but I thought we had it better timed. This one seems to be lingering.”

“You’re also pregnant, and that changes the chemistry,” he reminded. One hand slid firmly up her back and began massaging firmly into the muscles of her neck. It was a relief to her that she rarely had to tell him exactly what she wanted or needed. Years of friendship and their on-again, off-again relationship meant that he knew her better than anyone . “Are you sure you don’t want to take a nap? We have the deck for a while…”

Deanna shook her head against the crook of his neck. “Don’t want to lose any time with you two,” was her answer, the words mumbled between kisses to his collar bone. She simply gave into his ministration, knowing she would sleep well tonight. Stress was melting from her, and she let him take her weight, legs wrapping around his waist as she relaxed in his arms, finally giving the small sigh she gave at night when she found a comfortable spot and was contented.

“I don’t want to lose any time with you two,” he echoed her words, thoughts of her and their baby foremost in his mind. Will pressed a warm kiss into her hair, fingers still steadily working on the tension in her neck.

In the end, it was a toss-up whether Deanna was hungry first or Thad. But she woke on a soft chaise in the cabana, a large towel draped around her. Thad and Will were laughing as they raced each other to join her. Thad was running at full speed; Will’s lumbering gait a slow bouncing to keep pace with their son. Fast enough to keep it interesting, but grinning wide when Thad’s hand slapped the edge of the cabana and he declared himself the winner. Their cabana was breezy enough to stay cool, and plush enough to make Deanna comfortable while she munched with her family on snacks of mostly fruits and vegetables. Will had brought along an extra infusion, just in case, but she hadn’t needed it.

When Thad finally shifted from eating to toying with the leftovers, they knew the time had come. It was amazing how much could be communicated with eye contact, raised brows, to say nothing of a few shared thoughts. But as Deanna tried to begin the conversation, she found herself lost for how to begin this particular conversation. She toyed with the belt to the silky robe she had slipped into before eating. It struck her that this conversation wasn’t one that she had counseled anyone over before. Apparently, everyone else managed to decide what to say without needing counseling.

Will’s hands caught her nearest one and gave it a light squeeze. “Hey, buddy, your mom and I have a surprise for you.” His wife could sense his intense hope that it was good news for Thad. That he needed it to be good news for Thad. They hadn’t particularly discussed what would happen if Thad didn’t take it well. Neither of them had dealt with new siblings coming along—well, Deanna had a younger brother, but gaining a sibling as an adult had been radically different to the way they were changing Thad’s life with these next words

Dark eyes widened, and their son practically bounced in his seat. “Is it a tribble!” he guessed.

She bit back the laugh that would have offended Thad. Their boy so dearly wanted a tribble. “Remember, we can only have a stuffed animal tribble,” she reminded gently. It was immediately evident that his interest had dropped by at least one quarter. “We actually have _two_ surprises.”

Will’s interest and alarm spiked beside her, but she gave his hand a squeeze of assurance. “When we get to the Starbase, you’re going to spend the day with Uncle Wesley and go on an adventure together.”

“Is he gonna show me some new maps?” Thad asked eagerly.

“I’m not sure,” Will replied. “But I know you and Wes will have a lot of fun.” His eyes met Deanna’s again. _Maybe we should wait a little longer?_

 _The crew will know by the end of the day,_ she reminded him. “Sweetheart, you know I’ve been sick a lot lately.”

“How come Dr. Marshall didn’t fix it?” Thad asked curiously. He slid from the lounger where he had been relaxing and eating and climbed up beside his mom. Kneeling beside her, his hand patted her arm. “Did you say you were okay because you were scared? Because he could make you feel lots better. Or I bet Auntie Bev’ly could fix it.”

Her free hand cupped her boy’s cheek, and she kissed him. “They are both trying very hard to figure it out. I’m feeling better today. And I’m glad we could go on this outing.”

“But the second surprise,” Will finally spoke up, scooting forward to better see their son around his mother. “Is that you’re going to be a big brother.”

There was a long moment, and Deanna was torn between reaching for Thad, wanting to hug him or make him somehow immediately respond in some way. Preferably in a positive way. And behind her, Will was practically humming with anticipation and his own mix of anxiousness and personal joy, with the concerns about the complexity and uncertainty rioting underneath.

Thad’s eyebrows lifted as he glanced between the two adults. “Are we gonna get it at the starbase?”

Her smile spread, and she took a breath. She hadn’t realizing she had been holding her breath. “No, I’m going to have a baby in about eight more months. Which is still a long time away. The baby has to grow a lot more before it gets here.”

“But where _is_ it? Do we have to go get it?”

“In mom’s belly, where you were before you were born,” Will answered.

Thad’s head titled a little. “Like how Karzan’s mom has a … a sim… that one part… you know..” he struggled to explain.

“Well, that’s different because Karzan’s mom is a Trill and has a symbiont that is like part of her,” Deanna floundered a bit herself to explain how the bonded Trill was but wasn’t one and two together. “It’s like Oliver’s baby sister. You remember how his mom’s belly got bigger and bigger and then the baby was here.”

His brow furrowed, and Deanna could sense that he was trying to process her words. “How come we can’t go get it?”

She reached out and played with his still damp but wavy hair. “We have to wait for it to grow bigger.” Her hand found his and brought it to her belly. “It’s growing in here. When it gets a bit bigger, you’ll be able to feel it moving.”

“I don’t feel anything right now.” It was factual, and his voice was laced with nascent boredom. And Deanna had been braced slightly for him being upset, hopeful that he might be excited… but hadn’t expected so much confusion and growing indifference.

“You won’t for a while,” Will reminded gently. _I think we’re going to need to talk about this a lot. To help him understand it a little at a time._ His hand gave her thigh a warm pat. “But it’s going to mean that we need to keep being gentle with your mom. Keep helping her out. She still gets tired sometimes, and we need to let her rest.”

“I helped her put the cups on the table today after she took her nap,” Thad reminded, chest puffing out a little in pride.

Deanna grinned, “Yes, and I didn’t say thank you. But it was a very big help.” She gave him a few moments, but no other comments were forthcoming. “Did you have any other questions you wanted to ask?”

“Yes!” he exclaimed, sliding from the cushion. “Daddy, can you put the float things on me, and throw me really high into the water?”

Both parents blinked in surprise, before Will agreed. He found the floats and helped Thad into them. With the floats, Thad would still go under the water for a moment, but the float made him pop up seconds later. This game was a new one that they had started a few months ago, with Thad growing more and more confident with water.

“I’ll come, too,” Deanna decided, knowing with full confidence that Thad wasn’t in any danger. But her own family history of a lost child in the water lingered. So she would be close enough to pull him up just in case. They had about half an hour left on the deck, and she might as well enjoy all of it. She shed her robe and followed them until the water was almost to her shoulders, Will about five feet away with Thad hanging on his back and chattering away about how high he was going to jump.

 _Do you get the feeling that conversation was way too easy?_ Will thought in her direction.

She offered a smile and a shrug. _I don’t think it’s the last time the topic will come up. I think this is going to be a lot of small talks, instead of one big one._ In the meantime, she offered a wave and encouragement as Will crouched slightly, his cupped hands below the water getting ready for Thad to step into. Moments later, Thad went bounding through the air with shout of joy, a splash, and doggy paddling to the surface with a laugh.


	11. Breakwater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience, this chapter was quite the chapter to get through. I've rewritten it so many times, but it finally feels right. Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of this work. I really have loved writing it, and it's far from over.
> 
> trigger warning: there is a brief mention of a panic attack. It's more a description that it happened than a deeply detailed experience of it, but warning none the less.

Starbase G-6 wasn’t her favorite star base, but at least Deanna Troi could appreciate that it wasn’t Deep Space Nine. _That_ particular outpost, while staffed by a curious mix of beings, unnerved her. Worf had suggested that it was likely because of the remnants of Cardassian occupation that lingered. Keiko had insisted it wasn’t all that bad. And Nerys had been certain that if Deanna simply indulged in some of the sacred Bajoran practices, she would see how spiritual it could be. But it had merely left her feeling exhausted and like she’d been emotionally turned inside out.

Shivering slightly, she tucked away thoughts of the other star bases and focused on this one instead. She turned her awareness to this infirmary that was trying very hard to convince her that it was a lounge or spa, rather than an infirmary. The changing area was spacious and had a small bench for her to sit if needed. And the storage area was faux wood, rather than metal. A gown had been waiting for her, neatly folded on the same bench, along with a soft robe and light slippers.

It was meant to relax her and evoke the suggestion of luxury. But, at the moment, she was too keyed up to enjoy much of it. While the adjustments to infusions had managed to eliminate her nausea, she was still struggling with episodes of dizziness. She was also tired, which was relatively normal considering everything. It had not helped that Thad had woken them up at zero four twenty crying because he’d had an accident and his bedding was soaked. Bless her husband for taking charge and acting as if it were the most natural thing in the world for a boy to have an accident. Will had glossed over it this morning, but she could sense his concerns that lingered.

Deanna knew it was normative for a child to regress in that area when facing major changes in the family. She expected there might be a few more accidents in the coming months. In fact, she’d sent Wesley and Thad with a small bag today of extra things just in case. It had taken a little finesse to pull Wesley aside long enough to explain that while keeping things light and casual with Thad.

“Imzadi?” Her husband could’ve reached her with his thoughts, but he was using his voice. It didn’t take empathic senses to know he was nervous and trying to keep calm for her.

“I’m alright,” she answered, voice raised enough to be heard through the thin door. “I got distracted.” Deanna had worn a simple wrap around dress and leggings. She now loosened the tie at her side and eased the soft fabric from her and made use of the hanger that had been provided. It took another moment to shed her shoes, leggings, and underthings, which gave her pause. It wasn’t that she minded nudity. But she hated the impersonal nature of medical examination.

The medical gown was softer than she remembered, but still not as soft as her dress had been. She pulled the gown over her head, hand smoothing down her front and caressing her belly and the soft curve. Deanna freed her hair from the neckline and stepped into the slippers before pulling the robe around herself and easing the door open.

“Hey,” Will greeted quietly. He reached to adjust the lapel on the robe and straighten it. “They’re ready when you are.”

Her lips pressed together in a long line, and she took a slow breath before tucking her hand in his and nodding. She was content to be led to a private room and to let Will help her up onto the bio bed. This part was going to be routine. But it never felt routine to see a baby forming.

While there was a chair nearby, Will was standing at her side, both hands still holding onto her right hand and chaffing it lightly for comfort and for warmth. It helped that it was Dr. Marshall who was with them, making use of the more advanced equipment, though this part wouldn’t tell them much more than the Titan’s sickbay equipment. Still, they were starting with a checkup. Her vitals were first, improved from a week ago, which earned some pleased remarks from the doctor and some relief from Will.

“The baby is next,” Dr. Marshall spoke, though by now they knew the order. On the screen was a little person taking shape, curled on itself, limbs still developing. A spine and bones now formed and still forming. “No gender, yet. But in a few more weeks… if you want to know.”

Deanna peeled her eyes away from the screen for a long moment to exchange a look with her husband before they were both nodding. “We do, when it’s time.” Her eyes were tearing up again as she tried to absorb every millimeter of their baby, already trying to distinguish whose profile the baby might favor. Wondering if those forming eyes would be blue or black. If that forming head would have straight or curly hair…

“This wild child has given us enough surprises already,” Will added wryly, kissing her knuckles as he turned his attention back to the screen. Equally eager to take in whatever he could of this child.

“Fetal development is normal, following very neatly into average trends for both human and Betazoid milestones,” those words were routine, but further reassuring with each week and scan. Will had been called to some urgent matters a few weeks ago, but otherwise made it to all of the appointments with her, even if he had to slip out early. He’d been there for almost every appointment with Thad, too. Intellectually, Deanna knew there was no connection. But it made her feel a little better to have one piece of this pregnancy matching up with Thad’s. And wholly different than Ian’s. It was strange to think of an alien entity as her child, but in her mind Ian was forever eight or so years old.

“Deanna?”

She blinked up to see the doctor’s gaze, which was mildly concerned. “My apologies,” she murmured.

“I’m going to need to run scans on all of you. Captain, yours will be the briefest. It will give us a current DNA reading to analyze. Then, I’m going to run the commander and the baby through scans in this newest model of bio bed. It will take some time because we want to run a full series of scans. The more information we can get, the better.” He stood and moved to Deanna’s other side and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze of assurance. “I’m ordering a warming blanket for you. Is there anything else I can do to make you more comfortable?” the doctor asked as he gently placed a sensor above her right eyebrow.

Her trembling hadn’t gone unnoticed, but it was colder both in here and on the star base than she was used to. “I’d like a pillow, please.” Sleep might take a while, but at least she could be a bit more comfortable. The long look the doctor gave her told her that she wasn’t fooling him at all. They both knew she was responding to stress.

“Nap all you want, _Imzadi_ ,” Will murmured, his fingers brushing over her cheek in assurance. At the doctor’s confusion, he explained how their night had been interrupted.

Her eyes teared up as her husband carefully draped the blanket, folding it in half to give it some more weight in the way he knew she preferred. His hand caught hers and pulled it to his lips for a soft kiss before guiding it across her waist and tucking the blanket around her. It was his way of trying to make this a little easier for her. To take away the impersonal atmosphere of medicine. His thumb caught the stray tear before it could track down her cheek, and he pressed a warm but chaste kiss to her lips. “I’m right over here, okay?” Through the blanket, he gently gave her collarbone a caress with his thumb and tapped above it twice. And then he finally stretched out on the bed nearest hers for his own scan.

Deanna nodded and swallowed before taking a slow breath and relaxing into the bio bed. It was contouring to her, and she liked this new feature that had allowed her to set her preference for firmness or softness. It also warmed slightly, allowing her to retain more of the warmth that was relaxing her by degrees. She took a few more breaths, slowing down her breathing, and centering herself as she started to meditate.

***

Will Riker jerked awake from the nightmare, disoriented. Years of sharing a bed, though, allowed him to have enough presence of mind not to completely jostle his wife who was curled against him. His heart was racing, and it took several deep breaths to remember they were still on the star base.

Beside him, Deanna mumbled something groggily, one hand lifting to rub at her eyes. When her hand brushed against the sensor that remained above her right eyebrow. “Hmmm?”

“Ssssh, I had a bad dream. It’s okay,” he tried to assure, though his words were interrupted by a deep yawn. There was something foreboding that lingered, and Will half wanted to shake it off. But he was trying very hard to close his mind and relax.

“Where…?” she asked drowsily.

He pushed himself to sit up and ran a finger over her collarbone, needing to feel her beside him. It was clear she wasn’t going to simply fall back to sleep. Besides, there had been something in the dream. She had been in danger. “Starbase,” he answered around a yawn, pushing himself up and rubbing his face. He called the lights up to twenty percent and glanced over to see that Thad was still soundly asleep on his little pallet in the corner. As exciting as it had been for their son to be here, Thad hadn’t wanted to sleep alone in the strange room. And Will wanted his whole family close. Things had started okay, but the midday had been rough for them.

_He had taken a short walk to use the head and stretch his legs. Scans were taking much longer, though he’d been prepared to spend quite some time at sickbay with Deanna today. The walls were a pale shade of moss green, which was a nice change from the neutrals and darker palette of Titan. It was meant to be calming and evoke the idea of growth and being planet side._

_And somewhere along his short stroll, the panic hit him. For long moments, he thought he was having an anxiety attack. But then she’d called for him, and he’d taken off at a blind run, careening around a sharp corner that sent him barreling into two plants and almost running down a tech who was headed in the same direction. He hadn’t even apologized or stopped to right the plants, and he was sure everyone had understood._

_Deanna was on the other side of the room, eyes wide, body trembling so hard that he wasn’t sure how she was standing. She’d taken shelter behind the bio bed he had vacated and was holding herself with one arm, the other braced against the bed for support._

_“Commander, it’s okay… If you’ll lie back down—” one of the two nurses was trying to coax her into cooperation, but Will knew she wasn’t hearing them._

_“Leave us,” Will had ordered with every ounce of authority in his voice._

_“Sir, we’re going to have to run the current series again—”_

_“Get the hell back, she needs a few moments,” he ordered, using his strength to physically move the nurse when he didn’t listen. In Will’s defense, he hadn’t done it roughly._

Deanna shivered, and nodded slightly. “It was awful.”

For a long moment, he wasn’t sure exactly what she was referring to because he’d thought she meant the incident in the infirmary, but he wasn’t sure... “What…” the question trailed off.

She took a short breath and started to try to answer but instead took a second, deeper breath. “Both nightmares were awful,” she clarified, shifting and clearly trying to find a more comfortable position. Deanna leaned back a little to really look at him. “The one I woke from earlier.. And yours. Your nightmare was about Jev, wasn’t it,” she said quietly. It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah,” he answered, his voice rough. He rubbed his beard and sighed. “I thought we were long past that.” Will pushed himself up to sitting and tucked the blanket closer around her shoulders “We were...we were sharing that dream?”

She nodded and gave a soft sigh, eyes closing for a long enough moment that he wondered if she had fallen back to sleep. But Deanna finally shifted, covers rustling as she took long moments to settle again. “I, ah, I don’t really know… where that came from. I thought we had both healed from it.”

His fingers tangled in her hair, brushing it from her face. “We had,” he murmured. “We have… Haven’t we?” Will was certain they had. They’d spent time among the Ullians recovering, both uncertain and dealing with their own emotions, including plenty of anger. He had wanted Deanna close, but she had been struggling through wrapping her mind around the fact that Jev had used Will’s image in the assault. That had hurt, too. And taken the longest to move past. And sent them both into flings that had been ill-fated.

“Will,” she rasped, “I...thought we had. Maybe we… it was a vulnerable time. So is this…and it’s far too late at night or maybe too early in the morning to practice psychology. And there are reasons we don’t self diagnose and don’t counsel our own family members.” She swallowed hard. “I _do_ think we need to talk to our counselors tomorrow. When we’re rested. Or more rested.”

His hand cupped the back of her head and pressed gently into the tense muscles there. “Do you need to talk to her tonight? She would understand.”

“I’m alright until I can talk to her tomorrow,” she assured, giving his arm a gentle squeeze.

“Sometimes I really do think about retiring to Alaska.”

A soft snort was her response, but before he could conjure up an indignant response, Deanna was waving him back. “I’m sorry,” she chuckled, “I _am_ , but… Will, really? You’d be bored within a week.”

“I would not!” he objected, arm wrapping around her and pulling her flush against him. His eyes narrowed, daring her to protest again before he captured her lips in a long, soft kiss. When he parted, his forehead rested against hers. “I’d spend at least a month enjoying having my wife all to myself without being called to the bridge.”

Her eyes flashed in mock indignation. “ _Only_ a month, Imzadi? Besides, you simply assumed I’m retiring, too?”

“Hey!” Will protested, hand stroking her side soothingly. “I said _at least_ a month.”

“Mhmm,” she humored him with a roll of her dark eyes. “Time together would be nice, but I think that small human over there would have an opinion about it.”

A warm kiss pressed to her forehead and hand slid between them over the soft curve that was growing. “I think this small person has a lot of opinions.”

She nodded against him. “Many strong opinions....I know they need to finish the scans tomorrow, but I’d really rather we spend the day as a family.”

Will knew better than to answer that immediately. He wanted, so much, to give her exactly what she wanted. It had been such a hard day. It had been a hard month. And yet they were here not only for crew rotation and some leave for the crew. And more importantly, they were here so that they could try to get better answers about her and their baby.

“I know,” she murmured against his shoulder with a soft sigh, followed almost immediately by a yawn. A yawn that made him painfully aware that it was the middle of the night cycle and that she also needed sleep. They both needed sleep.

Behind him, Will could hear rustling of covers, and he and Deanna went very still for a long moment. Wondering if Thad would drift back into deep sleep on his own. It was Deanna getting his attention through their connection that alerted him a moment before more rustling did. He pushed back the covers and sat up to see their son stumbling sleepily toward him. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Apparently it was a rough day all around because Thad hiccupped and sniffled before walking straight into his arms and clutching at his nightshirt with a soft cry. “I missed you,” Thad sniffled.

“I’m right here,” Will murmured, hugging him tightly and pressing kisses into his son’s hair while he rocked him gently. “Mom and I haven’t gone anywhere.” He felt Thad nod against him and gave a gentle smile to his wife who was watching with misty eyes. “You’re okay, I’ve got you,” he assured.

He began to hum a soft line of music that they often played at bedtime, still rocking until his son let out a shuddery sigh. Deanna shifted to sit up beside him, curling against him as her hand rubbed their son’s back. Both continued to offer the gentle assurances until Thad’s hand eased its grip a little as he rubbed the fabric instead of simply clutching it. 

“Better now, sweetheart?” Deanna asked, patting his back lightly.

The dark head nodded against his father’s shoulder. “Can I sleep with you and daddy?”

“Tonight, yes,” Will assured, sensing the agreement from his wife. “Relax, okay? We’ll all snuggle together tonight. And then you can go with us tomorrow. We’ll bring the PADD with us to the infirmary so you can listen to some of your stories, and then we’ll spend some time on the space station.”

“I can stay with you and mommy?” his words were slurring with sleep and thick with emotions.

“Mhmm,” Will assured. _I’m going to put him on the other side of me,_ he thought toward Deanna, giving her a few moments to shift and settle herself comfortably. It would be easiest this way, and if Thad shifted a lot in his sleep and ended up kicking in his sleep, he’d rather be the one kicked. He stretched out, making sure there was plenty of room for Thad and then tucked a spare pillow between his son and the edge of the bed. Thank goodness for the extra mattress space on this particular bed. 

“Can you tell me a story?” came the small voice from his side.

“Do you want me to tell you a story in your mind?” Deanna queried softly, her arm sliding around Will as she curled against him. It was rare that she spooned him, rather than the other way around, but it was comforting nonetheless. He certainly wasn’t complaining.

“Want daddy to tell it to me with his words out loud,” Thad clarified.

With a small smile, Will ruffled his hair and pulled the blankets up around them. “Okay, get nice and comfortable. And I’m going to tell you one of my favorite stories.”

“‘Bout the raven?”

“Sssh, no,” Will quieted their son,” one I like even more. One of my very favorite stories about when I went to a wedding on Betazed one day. I was a lieutenant and wanted to be on a spaceship traveling through at least the beta quadrant, but I was sent to Betazed instead. And I was invited to a wedding one day. There were so many amazing people, but right as the wedding was starting, the most beautiful person I’d ever seen was standing at the very front.”

Behind him, he could feel the kiss that Deanna pressed against his shoulder and her sleepy amusement that was fading fast to sleep as she was lulled to sleep as his voice deepened and slowed. 

  
****

If she thought that it would be easier to meet with the doctor to find out results in the sunny appearing room, rather than the sterile and starker environment of the exam rooms, then she was only deluding herself. It _did_ help that the room felt more like a lounge than an office. But she was thankful that she had been able to sleep in a little this morning and to meet with her counselor before coming back to finish the scans.

It helped that they gave her another infusion before the next round of tests. And Will and Thad had stayed in the room with her, even if it meant Will had to get up several times to keep their son occupied. Thad _had_ managed the boring afternoon much better than they’d expected. Will had brought up some of the star charts he’d looked at with Wesley yesterday, and hearing their boy tell her all about how he spent the day distracted her a bit.

Currently, Thad was sprawled on a sofa across from them. Originally he had been listening to a story, but he was asleep. And he needed it after missing his post-lunch nap.

The yawn shouldn’t have surprised her, but it suddenly occurred to Deanna that she had missed her own mid-day nap, too. She imagined they would all turn in early tonight. Possibly back on _Titan_ in their own quarters. As much as it was nice to have a change of scenery and good for Thad to see and be used to visiting other places, she was eager to be back in their own place.

Everything else would have to wait because now Dr. Marshall was letting himself into the room and settling into a chair. On the screen was their baby, and a list of stats and metrics. “I’m glad to say we have an answer for you. Or at least we are fairly sure we have an answer. Dr. Crusher was the closest to the right answer. You’re dealing with a leukocyte incompatibility between your DNA and this baby’s DNA. The baby has a variant anomaly-- that’s not dangerous to development at all except how your body is responding to it.”

“Leukocytes…” Deanna let the word trail off as she struggled to remember all of the details from her physiology courses.

The doctor was pressing a few buttons and a demonstration appeared. He began to narrate, “Oxygenated and nutrient-rich blood travels through Deanna’s circulatory system through the umbilical cord to the baby, and then cycles through the fetus’s circulatory system. The waste is carried out, along with the fetal blood and waste with its variated cells. Her body is reacting to it, causing a heightened white cell count and immune response, along with taxing her system as it tries to defend itself.”

Will shifted, leaning against the arm rest between them and took her hand. “Is there… a cure for it?”

“I’ve consulted with several geneticists and other specialists, and they’ve agreed that the best first step is a stem cell transplant. We may have to do a few throughout the pregnancy. And after that, we will monitor things and we may be able to do some modification to the infusions to support you through the pregnancy,” he explained. “We need to modify the infusion a bit anyway because your iron counts dropped slightly, and I want you to get more iron.”

She sat back in her seat, trying to absorb the information for long moments. One hand remained tucked between Will’s hands, the other rubbed gently over her middle. “And… if we… should I be able to carry to, ah… to full term?”

“We’re hopeful of that,” Dr. Marshall answered gently. “I don’t want to promise anything, but this is far more promising and a big step forward to helping you have a healthy and safe pregnancy and a healthy, full-term baby. Once you deliver, we don’t anticipate the baby having any health issues as a result of it. And once your body finishes processing out the cells after delivery, it shouldn’t cause any further complications.”

Will glanced to the other sofa, seeing that their son was rousing but not enough to get up, yet. He seemed satisfied listening to the story that had continued while he napped. “Why is this an issue with this baby when it wasn’t with her pregnancy with Thad?”

“That is one of the lingering mysteries of genetics. We know so much more about human and interspecies genomes. But like humans, Betazoids also have their own unique combination of inherited genes. One of the genes you carried, Captain, that this fetus inherited simply isn’t fully compatible with the Commander’s DNA. All of Thad’s were compatible. This baby inherited at least one that is different and is not.”

She took a slow breath and then another, taking in the enlarged pictures of the scans and this small person growing inside her before looking to Will and then to their doctor. “When… do we start?”

“Whenever you are ready,” he answered.

Will shifted again, sitting a little straighter as one hand released hers to rest protectively on her knee. “Can we set it up here? I think it would be easier on all of us, if it doesn’t absolutely need to be on a biobed.”

The doctor nodded. “We’ll want to use a sensor again to monitor you, Commander, but I don’t see why we can’t do that here. I’d like to monitor everything during and for an hour or so. As long as that goes smoothly, I want to keep the sensor on for a day, but you could return to your quarters.”

“Can we return to _Titan_ for the night?” she asked. _Sorry, Imzadi, I know we haven’t discussed it--_

 _Whatever you need_ came his assurance as the doctor agreed and slipped out to get the necessary items to begin the transfusion.

Will crossed the room to tuck the blanket around Thad, who was asleep again. He moved the PADD as well so that it wouldn’t get knocked to the deck by accident. By the time he finished that, there was nothing else to do but return to her side. “So,” he began, “Want to argue about what we’re naming this baby while we wait for this transfusion?”

It earned him the small smile she knew he was hoping for. He was good at breaking the tension. “Considering it took about seven months to figure out a name for Thaddy, I suppose we should start the fight sooner, rather than later.” 

It wasn’t that they had _fought_ over Thad’s name. But it had been a struggle to find something that fit. That they were both comfortable with. She couldn’t bring herself to use Ian Andrew again. She’d lost two Ian Andrews already. Naming the baby that had seemed like tempting fate. She _had_ wanted to use Will’s name, arguing she couldn’t think of many other people she so wished their son might be like. They’d settled on using it for his middle name. Will had argued their son needed a name of his own. Sharing a name with a Starfleet captain might be putting too many expectations on a child.

“Lwaxana Junior, if it’s a girl,” came Will’s ostentatious exclamation.

“Well, that’s settled. Mother will be flattered,” she teased. “And of course, Jean-Luc Troi-Riker if it’s a boy.”

“You’d certainly render his namesake speechless,” Will returned. “And here I was sure you’d want to name our second son after Worf or Reg.”

It earned him a surprised laugh. Although her yawn didn’t escape his notice. They both might need some time to shake off the bad dream, but she was tired.

“I’m always tired right now,” Deanna reminded with a wry smile. “With any luck, we’ll be out of here in an hour and a half or so, and you will be back in the captain’s quarters in time to tuck us into bed early while you watch the Niners deliver a resounding win in tonight’s final paresis squares championship.”

He shook his head slightly. “ _Only_ if you two are okay,” Will insisted. “The slightest blip on any of those vitals, and I’m beaming you back to the infirmary.” His still warmed hands chafed her sock-encased feet. “I was serious the other day about Betazed,” he finally said. “Not about sending you there, but… if you’d rather go there to have this baby, I support that. Or earth. We have plenty of leave accrued, and maternity and paternity leave…”

Deanna relaxed into the side cushion and let herself take what felt like the first deep breath since she had woken up on the floor of her office a few weeks ago. “Thank you, _Imzadi_ , but I think I’d rather stay on _Titan_ unless something changes or the doctors say it’s necessary. It’s… it’s home. For us. For Thad. But as long as we are all together.”

“Like that’s even up for debate,” he answered, giving her leg a gentle pat and finally helping Dr. Marshall make her as comfortable as they could when he returned with a blanket and a few other amenities to make her comfortable as he set up the transplant and monitoring.


End file.
